12 Rules For Life - Book Summary

Find balance and meaning in life with timeless wisdom

Imagine a marionette, dreaming of a life without strings, craving the freedom to carve out its own destiny. This is the tale of Pinocchio, the wooden puppet brought to life who finds that such freedom also comes burdened with the trials of the real world — trials that bring with them lessons of integrity, companionship, and kinship.

Pinocchio's journey mirrors an eternal struggle we all face: navigating the tempestuous sea between the structured shores of order and the wild forests of chaos. Fables, myths, and religious stories from history offer a map for this journey, immortalized in the annals of time through the stories we retell, searching for truths to anchor our existence.

In today's frenetic world, where uncertainty looms and values shift like sand, philosopher Jordan B. Peterson offers a new compass — a set of twelve guiding principles designed to lead us through the labyrinth of modern life.

Join us as we unveil insights like:

- The confidence lessons hidden within the natural realm of the lobster,

- The lotus flower's secret to finding profound meaning, and

- The unexpected wisdom skateboarders can offer us regarding the human spirit.

Stand tall and tap into the power of posture in society's natural hierarchies

The concept of "pecking order" isn't just an idiom thrown around in the workplace or during competitive games. It originates from an observation—made by a curious Norwegian zoologist in the 1920s named Thorleif Schjelderup-Ebbe—who studied the social dynamics of chickens. He realized that there was a stark hierarchical structure at play, where certain chickens pecked first and feasted on the best grains, while others, weakened and disheveled, were consigned to leftovers.

Beyond poultry politics, this hierarchical structure is a universal phenomenon, manifesting across the animal kingdom, including the ancient and surprisingly relatable world of lobsters. These sea creatures competitively battle for prime real estate, and indeed, this battle has physiological consequences. Victorious lobsters experience a rise in serotonin, which boosts their confidence and leads them to adopt an expansive, upright posture. Meanwhile, the defeated ones see a surge in octopamine, leaving them defensively curled and submissive.

What we learn from lobsters transliterates to human behavior. Among people, winners often exude a certain self-assuredness, expressed in a confident stance and purposeful strides. This physical assuredness isn't superficial—it can impact future interactions, as confident posture is frequently misconstrued as a hallmark of ability and intellect.

So if you're aiming to ascend your own hierarchy, take this as your cue. Adopt the first rule: elevate your posture. Lift your head to the sky, straighten your back, and embrace the stance of a victor. It is through this conscious shift in body language that you might just tip the scales of perception—and reality—in your favor.

Nourish yourself with compassion as you would nurture a dear one

Picture a scenario where you find your beloved pet unwell, and the vet hands you a prescription to bring them back to health. Instinctively, you'd follow through, ensuring your pet gets the care it needs. Now, contrast that with the baffling fact that about a third of humans discard prescriptions intended for their well-being. It poses an intriguing question: why do we often take better care of others than ourselves?

This paradox stems from a deep-seated awareness of our own imperfections and the self-loathing that frequently accompanies it. It can spiral into self-punishment and a lingering feeling of being undeserving of a joyful, healthy existence.

Take, for instance, the Biblical tale of Adam and Eve, banished from paradise. This ancient narrative embeds in us a profound self-consciousness and a belief that perhaps our nature is intrinsically tainted.

Yet, a twist in perspective suggests that not just individuals, but the world as a whole, embodies an inherent blend of orderly virtue and chaotic vice. Eastern philosophies mirror this dichotomy in the Yin-Yang symbol — a harmonizing emblem of light and darkness coexisting, with a spark of one within the other, each needing its opposite to exist.

From this understanding blooms a universal wisdom: Seek not a path of extreme purity or unrestrained chaos, for true balance lies in moderation.

Consider a parent overly sheltering a child from the world's wrongs — they may inadvertently create an overbearing environment of restrictions. Striving for sheer goodness is an exercise in futility.

From this awareness comes the second rule: care for yourself as you would someone you cherish dearly.

In this spirit, care for yourself lovingly but also be mindful not to wage war against chaos, for it's a battle destined for defeat. Rather than chasing fleeting happiness, aim for what is truly beneficial for you.

Recall your childhood, when daily tasks like brushing your teeth or donning winter gloves might not have been your desire, yet they were necessary. As adults, it's our role to establish goals that shape our identity and journey. Identify your direction, embrace the steps you must take, and commit to actions that cultivate your best self.

Surround yourself with friends who uplift, not those who pull you down

Once upon a time, nestled in the quiet plains of Fairview, Alberta, a childhood friend of the author chose a familiar path over new horizons. Over the years, each return visit painted a sadder portrait of a man whose youthful promise withered into embittered stagnation.

This melancholic tableau is hardly unique to Fairview. It casts a universal truth: the company we keep can anchor us to the depths or buoy us to new heights.

Consider the office scenario, the space where ambition and potential collide. When a lagging employee is mixed into a team of stellar performers, one might hope for an uptick in productivity via osmosis. Yet research often reveals a bleaker outcome — the dilution of collective vigor by the pervasive pull of underperformance.

Guided by this revelation, the third guiding principle emerges: Foster friendships that are constructive and nurturing. This isn't a call for elitism or exclusivity but an acknowledgment of the mutual benevolence found in truly supportive relationships. It's a symbiotic bond where you both celebrate each other's victories and give a caring nudge toward resilience in adversity.

Such relationships are not merely personal sanctuaries; they can catalyze communal triumphs. Recounting his college years, the author reminisced about the camaraderie of his peers, a collective of kindred spirits who not only spurred each other academically but also jointly championed initiatives such as launching a newspaper and steering a thriving student union.

A true testament to a virtuous friendship? When your moments of despair are met not with indulgent pity, but with a resolute insistence that you rise above it — because a good friend will accept nothing less than your best self.

Measure your success by personal growth, not by outshining others

Once upon a time, standing out in your local community might have felt like a considerable achievement. But in the era of boundless connectivity, every pond glistens with the glimmer of global competition, and it's dauntingly easy to be outshone.

Being critical of oneself is essential — it lights the fire of ambition and gives our journey meaning. This constant striving for a better future is written into our DNA, an evolutionary impetus to move forward.

Yet, the danger of self-critique lies in the insidious nature of comparison. When we look sideways, gauging our progress by others' milestones, we're prone to overlooking our strides of improvement, no matter how incremental.

The trap is two-fold: falling into a dichotomy of success or failure, and magnifying aspects of our lives out of context. For instance, one might bemoan a perceived lack of professional productivity, neglecting to see the strides made in personal or family life.

Enter the fourth rule: Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.

This backward glance is far from retrogressive; it’s about establishing a baseline for forward motion. Beware the complacency of easy wins. If you sense a trend of unbroken success, it's time to amp up the stakes, to set loftier goals that stretch your capabilities.

Envision conducting a thorough self-inspection, the kind you might perform on a house you're renovating. Scrutinize every detail, divide issues into categories — cosmetic or structural — and draft a roadmap for improvement.

Immersed in this holistic assessment, you may find the allure of comparison fading, as you become preoccupied with your own blueprint for growth. This inner-focused journey is key to celebrating your unique path and the distance you've already traveled.

Effective parenting: Raising a child to succeed as a respected adult

Witnessing a child run amok in public might elicit a raised eyebrow and a silent query: Are the guardians overwhelmed or are they employing a strategy to let the child exhaust his willful energy? Childrearing paradigms have oscillated through history, shaped by the enduring tug-of-war between innate propensities and societal molding.

In the eighteenth century, Jean-Jacques Rousseau painted a portrait of our primitive forebears as noble savages, blaming the ills of violence on society's corruptive touch, not on inherent aggression.

Today's understanding pivots from this idyllic image. We recognize aggression as part of our neurological inheritance, which means that we must actively learn civility. Playground dynamics often mirror the wild: unchecked, children can display a savagery seldom seen in even the most cutthroat corporate environments.

Acknowledging this reality, the fifth rule surfaces: Parents must be mentors, not merely friends, shaping their offspring into responsible and amicable adults. It's a daunting undertaking, to be the arbiter of rules rather than the ally in fun, but essential nonetheless.

Children, by instinct, test the world's boundaries to discern the social landscape's contours. It falls upon caretakers to draw firm, yet nurturing, lines. Failure to do so may lead to lessons learned in far harsher, less forgiving ways later in life.

Let's delve into three pillars of effective parenting:

First, streamline the rules. An arsenal of edicts leads to exasperated children crashing against an endless sea of prohibitions. Opt for concise, comprehensible commandments: no biting, hitting, or kicking sans self-defense is a good foundation.

Second, employ the lightest touch needed. Discipline should be transparent and proportionate — the repercussions calibrated precisely enough to deter future infractions without being excessive.

Third, stand united. Clever offspring may seek to divide and conquer caregivers, so present a unified front. Companionship in parenting offers a safety net; mistakes may slip by one, but rarely both.

By embracing these principles, parents craft an environment where their children not only recognize the limits but understand that these limits are signposts guiding them toward becoming well-adjusted, respected members of the community.

Embrace life's challenges without casting blame for your circumstances

Life's fabric is twisted with hardships and turbulences, and while it's an inescapable reality, it should not lead us into the abyss of despair.

Throughout history, there have been many, like the esteemed writer Leo Tolstoy, who viewed life's inherent unjustness as a catalyst for extreme actions. In his introspective essay "A Confession," Tolstoy dissected possible reactions to life's absurdity—naive ignorance, hedonistic indulgence, suicide, or the perseverance through suffering. Though he heralded suicide as the direst acknowledgment of life's futility, he personally chose to endure the struggle, highlighting a perceived weakness in himself.

In more modern times, this grim outlook has manifested in tragic violence, with individuals taking their and others' lives in a desperate response to the world’s perceived cruelty, as seen in events like the Sandy Hook or Columbine school shootings.

Yet, the ethos of the sixth rule for life advises against this line of thinking: It implores you to shoulder the responsibility for your life before casting judgment upon the world.

Another Russian author, Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, stands as a monument to this philosophy. Despite enduring the horrors of war against the Nazis and subsequent captivity in the brutality of a Soviet gulag, he refrained from pointing fingers at the universe. Diagnosed with cancer during his imprisonment, he discerned his contributions to the oppressive regime that jailed him, and rather than succumb to bitterness, he resolved to forge a legacy of value.

Solzhenitsyn's magnum opus, "The Gulag Archipelago," not only recounted his grueling experiences but also served as a potent critique of the labor camps he survived. His words swayed global intellectual opinion and snuffed out the embers of support for Stalin's totalitarian communism.

Thus, the sixth rule implores us to confront life's trials head-on, to recognize our agency, and to commit to transcending our adversities without bitterness towards the world's innate imperfections.

The virtue of sacrifice for a life rich with purpose

Imagine a monkey, hand trapped within a cookie jar, clasping a treat it refuses to release. This tale illustrates a simple truth: the monkey’s greed and insistence on immediate satisfaction ensnare him, much like our human tendencies.

Human desires often drive us toward short-lived pleasures, even when they are patently against our self-interest. The dark view of the world as a pit of suffering can seductively lead one to seek solace in transient joy — justifying overindulgence as a small reprieve in an otherwise bleak existence.

Yet there is another path: the road of sacrifice. Since ancient times, foresight and restraint have been instrumental for survival, as tribes learned to preserve food for winter or to support those unable to provide for themselves.

Biblical narratives, too, speak of sacrifice, suggesting that life’s tribulations pave the way to the sublime rewards of the hereafter.

Adhering to the seventh rule encourages us to forsake fleeting indulgences in favor of pursuits with lasting significance.

One may counter that we already exercise this principle when delaying gratification for future leisure or relaxation. However, this rule urges us to delve further, extending beyond personal ambitions to the sacrifices made for collective betterment — where the magnitude of the sacrifice is directly proportional to the fulfillment it brings.

Consider the inspiring journey of the lotus flower, which, beginning in murky lake bottoms, ascends through darkness, ultimately breaking the water’s surface to bloom beneath the nurturing sun.

Embody this transformation: persist, forgo immediate desire, and dedicate yourself to endeavors that promise a higher return — a bloom of success and satisfaction unfurling in the sunshine of true accomplishment.

Embrace honesty to forge a path of genuine fulfillment

Friedrich Nietzsche, the renowned German thinker, gauged the resilience of the human spirit not by one's triumphs or material gains but by one's capacity to endure the stark light of truth. Despite cultural esteems of honesty, our society is intricately woven with deceit.

We often fall into the trap of life-lies, as termed by the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler, telling ourselves deceptions to make our flawed aspirations seem achievable. These lies might paint a fantastical picture of the future, like retiring in a tropical haven with endless comforts. But even when reality makes a mockery of our fantasies, we cling to them, ignoring the missing pragmatic steps needed to make them possible.

Our capacity for self-deception can also blind us to our need for continual learning and growth, lulling us into a false complacency that we’ve garnered all necessary wisdom.

Yet, the dangers of life-lies spiral beyond personal folly, sowing seeds for greater malevolence. As depicted in John Milton's "Paradise Lost," Lucifer’s vanity and challenge to celestial truth led to his downfall. Henceforth, honesty becomes a beacon illuminating the path away from such self-ruin.

The eighth rule for life is a clarion call: Abandon deceit and pursue authenticity.

This doesn't mean relinquishing all grand ambitions but rather adjusting them to align with evolving truths and attainable realities. As you gain insight and your perception of the world shifts, so should your objectives.

If life seems adrift, it could well be time to scrutinize the truths—or untruths—you’re living by. A life built on falsehoods might leave one feeling devalued and purposeless. To right the ship, question these fallacies, reclaim your authentic narrative, and chart a course that resonates with your deepest truths.

Transform conversations into opportunities for enlightenment, not battlegrounds

The legacy of the revered Socrates endures largely because of his profound humility. He openly professed his ignorance, a confession that became his greatest strength, for it opened his soul to the boundless potential of learning through discourse.

A conversation, at its core, mirrors the inner workings of thought. As we contemplate, we engage in an internal dialogue, weighing different viewpoints in search of understanding. It's a delicate dance, requiring us to faithfully represent diverse perspectives and seek an unbiased synthesis.

This capacity for exchange is among the essential reasons we converse. Unveiling the facets of an issue becomes smoother through collaboration, much like children debating the merits and perils of rooftop adventures, allowing for broader vision and hopefully wiser conclusions.

Yet, communication often strays from this ideal. It turns into a verbal duel, with participants entrenched in their stances, zealously convinced of their superiority and dismissive of the prospect of enlightenment.

The ninth rule pivots away from this egocentric contest: Engage in dialogue with an open heart, assuming there's wisdom to be gained from every exchange.

To become a more adept conversationalist, practice the art of reflective listening: actively listen, then echo the speaker's words. This simple act achieves several goals. It confirms your understanding, cements the information within your memory, and ensures the dialogue remains true to its original intent, rather than being contorted to serve one's argument.

Confronting truths that challenge your preexisting beliefs can indeed sting, necessitating an uncomfortable reevaluation of your convictions. Nevertheless, this discomfort paves the way for the exquisite journey of personal evolution—an endeavor well worth the transient sting of reality’s check.

Navigate life's complexity with the compass of precise communication

Life is an intricate entity, a dizzying labyrinth of interconnected threads that our mind simplifies into cognizable fragments for us to process. When we stumble upon an apple on the ground, our thoughts seldom wander to the vast network of branch, tree, root, and earth from whence it came.

By nature, our focus hones in on elements that nourish us or objects that obstruct us—the apple's allure lies in its sustenance, not in the silent growth story it tells.

It is untenable to ponder every nuance of our world, given its staggering complexity. Thus, our minds convert the world into a manageable scope. Yet, when chaos ruptures our orderly perception, it is the tenth rule that becomes our lifeline: Articulate your thoughts with precision.

Why is this vital? Let's dissect the word "car"—a simple notion encapsulating a complex machine that conveys you to your destination. But when that machine fails mid-journey, its inner intricacies erupt into your consciousness. The temptation to lash out at this sudden complexity is a byproduct of chaos infringing upon your simplified understanding.

Restoring harmony, then, depends on your ability to delineate the fault with specificity. Diagnosis is the first step in repair—whether it's the engine of your car or the health of your body.

Narrating precise symptoms—delineating between a stomachache and a fever, tracing the onset to a specific meal—these are the keys that unlock the door to recovery. Clarity is the pillar upon which order is rebuilt.

Precision in language transcends the mechanical and physical—it is equally pivotal in fostering harmonious relationships. If your partner's lack of tidiness grates on your nerves, candid and detailed expression can pave the way to resolution. Articulating the exact issue dispels misunderstanding and guides both parties toward agreement and action.

In every facet of life, engaging in sharp, clear communication is a mechanism to steer through the chaos, transforming life's bewildering complexity into a narrative where progress, understanding, and cohesion can flourish.

Embracing our innate traits can lead to progress, not oppression

George Orwell, in "The Road to Wigan Pier," suggested a radical notion: that the rise of socialism in England was less a compassionate response to miners' plights and more a deep-seated revulsion for the affluent. In contemporary discourse, this analysis finds a parallel in the criticism of patriarchy—the societal dominion of men.

Max Horkheimer of the Frankfurt School, a proponent of critical theory, posited that intellectual pursuit should be tethered to societal transformation. His teachings focused less on uplifting the marginalized and more on dismantling the societal "oppressors"—the men in power. His ideology resonates today in humanities classes worldwide, advocating for the disassembly of "macho" culture.

But the consequence of such a one-dimensional vendetta, according to the author, is an indiscriminate censure of male conduct that risks being overbearing and myopic.

Consider the university scene, where male students are routinely indicted as complicit in patriarchal oppression. Is this broad-brush condemnation the righteous path to change? While egregious misdeeds by men do exist, the author contends that male drive can and has been channeled for beneficial endeavors: spirited competition, pioneering explorations, and societal advancements.

Take the skateboarders at the University of Toronto: their displays of courage and a healthy embrace of risk were quelled by a prohibition of their sport on campus grounds. This leads to the eleventh rule: let the skateboarders be. Their trial-and-error resilience is a tableau of natural human attributes that should not be stifled.

Our regulations should shield us without squelching our inherent virtues.

Consider the cautionary tales—in fiction, like "Fight Club," where men stripped of their masculinity grasp at aggression as a clandestine trophy, or in reality, where demasculinization is met with the emboldening of right-wing extremism.

Truly, it is not the nurturing instinct of women to see their sons forever tethered to apron strings, devoid of autonomy, and growth. For each boy has a mother, and which mother dreams not of raising a self-reliant individual, but a perennial child dependent?

In essence, we must craft a balance that safeguards our society while simultaneously celebrating and channeling the innate characteristics that can foster innovation, courage, and progress.

Embrace the fleeting moments of happiness in life's intricate tapestry

Imagine the taxing yet profound experience of attending to someone gravely ill. The author knows this hardship, having a daughter afflicted with arthritis since childhood—enduring constant agony, reliant on countless injections, and surgeries for joint replacement.

One may deem life unjust in such circumstances, but within this somber reality lies a nuanced truth: it is the dance of suffering and joy that imbues life with profound depth.

Reflect upon the trajectory of Superman. This iconic hero initially soared in popularity, but as his invincibility escalated, his tales became tediously predictable. Without the shadow of vulnerability, his victories lost their luster.

So it is with our existence—the presence of struggle endows our triumphs with meaning, makes the snapshots of joy worth cherishing.

Rule number twelve captures this sentiment: Salvage joy from life's smallest offerings.

Adhering to this rule anchors you in the present, guaranteeing a life richly lived, ensuring resilience in adversity.

Indeed, after her lengthy ordeal, the author's daughter encountered a physiotherapist who ushered in a wave of mobility and normalcy, albeit temporary. They recognize that challenges may resurface but choose to relish this reprieve.

This philosophy resembles the simple act of pausing to affectionately stroke a cat during a leisurely walk—the mundane becomes a celebration. Life, in its essence, is a medley of day and night, order and chaos, discomfort and serenity. It's by navigating through the trials that we discover the value in our persistence, and the islands of peace become sanctuaries of contentment.

Embrace life's journey with integrity, responsibility, and appreciation

Life's voyage is fraught with challenges and adversity, an unfaltering testament to the reality that difficulties often lurk just out of sight. Yet amid these trials, life is interspersed with instances of sheer beauty and fleeting jubilation that urge us to press onward.

In the quest for meaning and progress, the greatest tool at our disposal is our integrity. We must navigate with truth as our compass and earnestness as our guide. Shunning selfishness and arrogance, we must remember that humility and empathy are the beacons that light our path.

Coupled with this truthfulness is the principle of personal accountability. While it is easy to place the burden of our misfortunes on external forces or the actions of others, such a stance only impairs our capacity to grow. Ownership of our circumstances empowers us; it is the keystone for enacting change and forging a better personal reality.

At the heart of this journey lies the recognition of our own individual power to enact transformation. It is within ourselves that we find the reservoirs of potential and the dynamism to reshape our stories. By embracing life's ebb and flow with grace and actively seeking out those moments of quiet joy, we craft a life marked not by what befalls us, but by the virtues with which we respond to every call.