Choose Yourself - Book Summary

The perks of choosing yourself: how to be more decisive and worry less.

Imagine not wasting a single moment on worries that serve no purpose. Instead of fixating on aspects of life you cannot change, you channel all that energy into creative and impactful projects. This chapter guides you through this transformative mindset.

Take back the reins of decision-making in your own life. Too often, fear of rejection or criticism leaves us playing second fiddle to others' choices. But what if you could shed that apprehension? Here, you'll learn to override the hesitation, embracing a proactive approach to chasing and achieving your dreams.

Moreover, relationships can energize or deplete you. This chapter helps you identify the relationships that might be sapping your energy and cultivating negativity in your life. Learn to set boundaries and sustain connections with those who truly add value and positivity to your daily existence.

By the end, you will have unlocked a more decisive, worry-free approach to life, steering clear of unnecessary burdens and pursuing fulfillment on your own terms.

The end of the traditional American Dream and the dawn of a new era

For generations, the quintessential American Dream painted a picture of stability and upward mobility: grab a solid education, secure a steady job, and buy a cozy house. This was the golden narrative from the end of World War II all the way to the global financial crisis that rocked the world in 2008.

This dream was fundamentally built on the concept of work. As the war drew men onto the battlefields, women stepped into the workforce in unprecedented numbers. Though the war ended, the workforce did not revert to its former makeup; both genders continued to earn wages, marking a pivotal shift in societal structure. This dual-income phenomenon enabled families to revel in a lifestyle that was once beyond their wildest dreams — better homes, cars, and the latest gadgets became symbols not just of comfort but of success.

Yet, lurking beneath the gleam of new appliances and shiny automobiles was a potent marketing ploy: a push towards consumerism under the guise of “keeping up with the Joneses.” Spending became synonymous with success, and material possessions were elevated as the ultimate status symbols.

Fast forward to the harsh wake of the 2008 financial crisis: the robust pillars supporting the American Dream crumbled. The stability once promised by steady middle-class jobs vanished as companies, chasing profit margins, outsourced jobs abroad or replaced human hands with technological advancements. The fallout has been stark, leaving countless individuals either jobless or trapped in positions that underuse their skills and underpay them, despite significant educational investments.

While it might seem like a bleak end to a once cherished dream, this seismic shift in societal expectations and employment realities has cracked open the door to potentially promising new beginnings. This chapter explores not just the demise of the old dream but spotlights the emergence of new opportunities and a redefined concept of success in a rapidly changing world.

Welcome to the era of self-empowerment: It's time to choose yourself

The traditional American Dream has tapered off, but rather than viewing this as a loss, consider it the opening of a new, liberating chapter in history. Welcome to the "choose yourself" era, where personal freedom isn't just a possibility — it's a necessity.

In the bygone days, life and career paths were typically mapped out by external forces. Whether climbing the corporate ladder or trying to make it in the arts, you found yourself waiting for someone else's nod of approval. You needed to be chosen — whether by a boss for a promotion or a publisher for your novel. Your fate often lay in the hands of gatekeepers.

But today, those gates are opening. Gone are the days when success was tethered to being picked from a lineup of hopefuls. Now, the tool for your success lies right in your hands — literally. With just a smartphone or a laptop, the world is your oyster. Want to publish a book? Self-publish it online. Have an idea for a show? Produce it and share it on platforms like YouTube.

This shift isn't just about how we work; it's about redefining what makes us fulfilled. The old American Dream often equated happiness with material gain — work hard, earn well, and buy more. Problematically, this equation didn't factor in genuine happiness or fulfillment. In stark contrast, the new paradigm encourages you to pursue what you love. When your career aligns with your passion, and not just your need for a paycheck, happiness becomes a more attainable and authentic goal.

So, as we navigate this "choose yourself" era, remember that the most important approval you need is your own. Step into your power, lean into your skills, and carve out a life and career dictated not by necessity but by joy and genuine engagement. This is the true essence of freedom in our modern world.

Breaking free from the fear of rejection: take control of your fate

Imagine the scene: across a bustling coffee shop, there's someone who might just be the love of your life. Yet, paralyzed by the fear of rejection, you remain seated, silent, and hopeful that they might approach you first.

This scenario isn't just about romantic hesitation; it mirrors a larger pattern in our professional and personal lives. Too often, we're spectators in our own stories, waiting passively for opportunities to come to us, terrified of the possibility of being turned down. We lean on the hope that others — whether they are bosses, teachers, or publishers — will notice us and propel us forward. Essentially, we allow others to "choose" us because we doubt our worthiness to choose ourselves.

Consider the revealing research by Yale psychologist Stanley Milgram. He tasked a few students to board a subway and ask seated passengers to give up their seats. Astoundingly, 70 percent complied without a question. This experiment underscores a common readiness to relinquish control, to let others shape major aspects of our lives based on their decisions.

However, this mindset only shackles us, leaving us at the mercy of others’ approvals and rejections. For instance, take the unfortunate tale of the author who invested heart and soul into a television project named III:am intended for HBO. Despite his commitment, the venture hinged on the approval of a single individual at the network. Ultimately, it was rejected, and all that effort evaporated into thin air.

This devastating outcome illustrates the peril of depending too much on others to decide our path and reaffirms why we must summon the courage to make choices for ourselves. Waiting for someone else to dictate the course of our lives is a risky strategy that not only opens us to bitter disappointments but also stifles our personal and professional growth.

Choosing yourself might sound daunting, but the journey towards self-empowerment must begin with overcoming the fear of rejection. The path forward involves cultivating belief in our abilities, stepping up to make decisions, and taking risks that align with our personal visions and desires. This is how we truly take control of our destinies and shape a life that is authentic and fulfilling, dictated not by external validations but by self-chosen aspirations.

Embracing the 'choose yourself' era with a holistic health approach

You're inspired and eager to navigate this new "choose yourself" era. But knowing where to start, how to sustainably sell yourself, and face potential rejections every day can indeed be intimidating.

To equip yourself for the challenges and opportunities of self-choice, you must build a robust foundation by nurturing your four core "bodies": the physical, the mental, the emotional, and the spiritual. Let's dive into the physical and mental aspects.

Your physical body is your engine. To ensure it runs smoothly, it requires consistent care. This includes ample sleep — aim for about seven to nine hours per night; optimal nutrition — consider eating two well-balanced meals a day instead of three; and regular exercise combined with fresh air to rejuvenate your body and mind.

Taking care of your mental body, meanwhile, requires a different approach. Our minds often squander energy obsessing over things beyond our control, which can lead to mental exhaustion and burnout. The key to mental fitness is to engage and exercise your 'idea muscle' regularly.

Here’s a method to try: each day, dedicate time to read or skim chapters from a variety of books, spanning genres from celebrity memoirs to scientific research. Following your reading, jot down at least ten new ideas. These ideas don't have to be groundbreaking — they could range from innovative global solutions to simple ways to make your daily life more joyful. The goal is not just the ideas themselves but the practice of consistently generating and documenting them.

This routine redirects your mind from futile worries to constructive and creative thinking. Soon, you will find yourself too engaged in your own creative processes to waste time on irrelevant concerns. By choosing yourself every day through these practices, you build resilience and innovation, key traits for success in this new era.

Building resilience by nurturing your emotional and spiritual wellness

Choosing yourself is a holistic process that extends beyond maintaining physical and mental health. To truly embrace self-determination and thrive, it’s crucial to also care for your emotional and spiritual "bodies."

Emotionally, the key is to foster positivity and reduce exposure to negativity. Take a moment to reflect on the people in your life: Are there individuals who consistently drain your energy or provoke feelings of anger? These are typically the people you find yourself complaining about to friends or loved ones, expressing disbelief at their actions or words.

Maintaining such relationships can significantly impair your emotional health. It’s essential, then, to make conscious decisions about who you spend time with. Gradually distancing yourself from negative influences can help safeguard your emotional well-being. Remember, the goal isn’t to be dismissive or rude but simply to limit your engagement. A warm greeting when you encounter such individuals is fine, but resist the urge to delve deeper into interaction.

On the spiritual side, grounding yourself in the present is fundamental. Many of us habitually "time travel" — dwelling on past regrets or worrying about the future. Such habits can lead to burnout and prevent us from realizing our full potential.

To nurture your spiritual body, practice mindfulness and strive to stay anchored in the now. Engage fully with your immediate surroundings. For instance, if you’re walking through a city, take a moment to appreciate the architecture around you. Observe the unique design features of buildings, the interplay of light and shadow, and the rhythm of street life. This practice helps keep your mind focused on the present, steering clear of unproductive backward glances or forward frets.

By actively managing your emotional and spiritual health, you build a resilient foundation for living authentically and choosing yourself every day. This enables a fuller, more focused engagement with life, paving the way for genuine happiness and success.

Creating daily routines for holistic health in the "choose yourself" era

Understanding how to nurture your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies is just the beginning. To truly thrive in the "choose yourself" era, it’s vital to establish daily routines that can transform these concepts into sustainable habits.

While initially, you might feel motivated to make drastic changes, maintaining that enthusiasm over time can be challenging. True transformation isn’t just about altering your external circumstances like changing jobs or friends; it’s fundamentally about changing yourself from the inside out.

So, how do you ensure that these internal changes stick? The answer lies in developing daily routines grounded in positive actions. These routines shouldn’t be overly complicated but should focus on doing something beneficial every day. For instance, you could implement simple rules like, "No TV or junk food today!" or "Each day, think of ten people you’re grateful for." This helps reinforce positive patterns and gradually shifts your habits.

Moreover, one powerful practice to incorporate into your daily routine is helping others. Acts of kindness not only contribute to others’ well-being but also have a profound impact on your own health. When you assist someone else, your body releases oxytocin — a hormone known for promoting feelings of connection, calm, and happiness. This hormone is not only released during meaningful physical contact like hugs but can also be triggered by expressing gratitude or performing simple acts of kindness such as giving gifts or even engaging positively on social media platforms like Facebook.

To illustrate the power of this practice, during the peak of the 2008 financial crisis, the author took to Wall Street to distribute chocolate gifts to traders and bankers. This gesture wasn’t just about lifting spirits; it was a strategic move to boost mutual feelings of goodwill. As the bankers enjoyed their chocolate — releasing both oxytocin and phenylethylamine (another mood-lifting hormone associated with chocolate and romantic feelings) — the author also benefitted from the increased hormone levels.

Such actions underscore the importance of embedding acts of kindness into your daily routine, not only for the well-being of others but for your holistic health as well. These simple daily practices help maintain and strengthen each of your four "bodies," setting a firm foundation for a fulfilled, "choose yourself" life.

Why searching for a life purpose is overrated and could lead to unnecessary stress

Are you haunted by the notion that you haven't discovered your "true purpose" in life? This concern is not only common but also a significant source of stress for many. However, fretting about finding your life's calling may be more detrimental than you think, and history offers some reassurance.

Consider Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, who didn't profit from his now-famous recipe until he started franchising at the age of 65. Similarly, Peter Roget, who invented the thesaurus, didn't start this monumental work until after retiring from his medical career at 70. These examples illustrate that life doesn't adhere to a strict timeline, and success or fulfillment can come at any age.

The preoccupation with finding a specific "purpose" can be unproductive and even lead to extreme measures like pseudocide—the act of faking one's death to start anew. While the idea of completely escaping one's current life and obligations might seem appealing, in reality, it doesn't address the underlying issues. The same stresses and challenges are likely to follow you, no matter where you go or how you reinvent yourself.

Instead of falling into the trap of believing you must find a grand purpose to lead a fulfilling life, consider adopting practices that help alleviate stress and cultivate contentment in the present. One powerful method is a form of meditation where you envision yourself as completely free from all life's burdens.

In this meditative state, imagine being homeless, without any goals or baggage from your past. Detail this scenario in your mind as vividly as possible. This exercise isn't about wanting to become homeless but about experiencing, even momentarily, what it feels like to have no societal pressures or personal anxieties weighing you down.

Such exercises can offer a profound sense of relief and a fresh perspective, reminding you that sometimes, the best way to find peace isn't through relentless searching but through learning to let go and live in the moment. This shift in focus can be truly liberating, allowing you to enjoy life's journey without the constant pressure to define it.

Maximizing value and independence in the "choose yourself" era

In the "choose yourself" era, establishing a strong personal foundation and mindset is crucial, but how does that translate into financial success? Understanding how to effectively market your talents and services without relying on intermediaries is key.

Take the example of Bryan Johnson, an entrepreneur who became a multimillionaire by founding the credit card service company, Braintree. Johnson’s journey began in an unfulfilling role at a credit card processing firm, where he spent his days persuading businesses to switch to his employer's services. Dissatisfied with working under someone else’s banner, he eventually chose to start his own company in the same field. This decision exemplifies a critical lesson of the "choose yourself" movement: the importance of cutting out the middleman and engaging directly with your market.

Johnson’s success underscores two pivotal strategies. First, the realization that working for another entity can often be restrictive and less rewarding, and second, the significant advantages of providing a service or product directly. When you eradicate the intermediary, you not only gain full control over your operations but also enhance your potential profit margins.

Another critical aspect of thriving financially on your own terms is understanding the concept of value beyond immediate monetary gain. For instance, when I worked on creating websites for New Line Cinema's movies, I charged just one thousand dollars per site—a fraction of my usual fee. This decision wasn’t about the monetary compensation; it was about the strategic value. Collaborating with a renowned company positioned my business to attract top-tier talent, substantially increasing its value and reputation in the long run.

Thus, in this new era, while selling your expertise, always consider the bigger picture. It's not merely about securing the highest price for your services or products but about understanding and leveraging the overall value each opportunity may bring. This approach will not only help you succeed financially but will also ensure that your business grows in reputation and influence, aligning perfectly with the "choose yourself" philosophy.

Honesty as a fundamental pillar of success in the "choose yourself" era

In a world where the likes of Bernie Madoff made headlines for an infamous $65 billion fraud, it's easy to cynically wonder if dishonesty is a quicker route to success. However, in the current "choose yourself" era, honesty isn't just a moral choice; it’s a crucial element for sustainable success.

While deceit might provide short-term gains, the consequences of being exposed as fraudulent can be catastrophic. Once trust is broken, it is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to rebuild. Bernie Madoff’s case is a poignant reminder of this truth. Even though he never actually benefited from the billions he swindled, he became an example of how quickly one can fall from grace when dishonesty comes to light.

In today's interconnected world, honesty compounds exponentially. By being truthful and fair, you earn the trust and respect of others, which in turn fosters long-term relationships and loyalty. These relationships are beneficial, especially when facing challenges; people are more apt to support someone they trust, even after a failure.

But how does one foster honesty, particularly if it’s not an ingrained habit? It starts with daily practices that encourage integrity.

First, manage your anger. Anger often stems from unrealistic expectations of others — in essence, you’re lying to yourself about what you can control. When you feel anger bubbling, pause and reflect on why you're upset. Is it fair to blame others, or are your expectations misaligned? Such introspection can help prevent misguided anger, leading you to a more honest assessment of situations.

Second, avoid gossip. Speaking negatively about others not only harms their reputation but also says much about your character. Gossip can backfire, damaging relationships and trust. By abstaining from it, you reinforce a character of integrity and reliability.

Embracing honesty in your daily life, then, isn't just about avoiding deceit; it's about building a foundation of trust that can propel you to long-term success and fulfillment in the "choose yourself" era.

Final summary

The traditional American Dream, characterized by waiting for approval and advancement from others, is a relic of the past. In today's world, the imperative is to "choose yourself." This new paradigm shifts the focus from external validation to self-empowerment, pushing you to take control of your own dreams, successes, and happiness.

To effectively navigate this "choose yourself" era, it’s crucial to build and maintain a robust foundation that encompasses both your physical and emotional well-being. Beyond physical health, this includes developing resilience, a positive mindset, and emotional stability.

Establishing consistent habits and routines is also vital. These practices not only support your physical and emotional health but also ensure you stay committed to your goals and plans, allowing you to make sustained progress towards personal and professional fulfillment. In essence, choosing yourself doesn't merely mean taking charge of your career or creativity—it involves embracing a comprehensive approach to living that values self-respect, proactive living, and personal growth.