How to be Heard - Book Summary

Immerse yourself in the art of audible connection

In today's bustling society, we're perpetually besieged by distractions — be it Twitter notifications, never-ending email chains, or the latest YouTube sensation. Among this cacophony, how do we ensure our voice is heard? How do we connect, genuinely and meaningfully, with those around us?

Julian Treasure delves into this very enigma. Through his astute observations and insights, he emphasizes that effective communication isn't a one-way diatribe; it's a dance between a confident speaker and an attentive listener. What Treasure shares goes beyond the realms of public speaking; it's invaluable counsel to repair relationships marred by chronic communication lapses.

As we delve into this audio journey together, you'll gain insights into how sound can be a powerful deterrent to crime, unravel the misstep that cost a jewelry chain a hefty £500 million, and even discover what a 'sodcaster' is — and more importantly, how to steer clear from becoming one.

Exploring the potency of sounds and their effect on us

We rarely stop to acknowledge the soundtrack of our lives — the omnipresent hum of sounds that permeate our existence. Despite our apathy, these sounds profoundly influence us, physically, psychologically, and even behaviorally.

Physically, sound impacts our well-being, especially our sleep patterns. The World Health Organization points out an alarming statistic — nearly eight million individuals in Western Europe are sleep-deprived owing to traffic noise above tolerable levels. This deprivation induces higher stress levels and depressions, weakening our immune system, and leaving us more susceptible to negative emotions like anger and violence.

From a psychological standpoint, sound stirs emotional responses and mental imagery. A study from Lund University in Sweden showed how the haunting opening notes of John William’s iconic Jaws theme can trigger fear and visions of a sinister shark lurking in the depths of our mind.

Further, sound influences our cognitive abilities and behaviors — notably productivity. Research indicates that background noise in an open workspace, like overheard conversations, can dip productivity levels by a staggering two-thirds. A survey of 1,800 British workers reflected the same, pointing out a loss of about two hours of daily productivity due to unnecessary noise.

Lastly, sound can remarkably sway our behavior — a tactic used by R. Rex Parris, Mayor of Lancaster, California. To combat crime, speakers were placed throughout the downtown area to emit calming sounds like bird songs and flowing water. A noteworthy drop of 15 percent in crime was observed, earning the town considerable media attention.

With this deeper appreciation of sound's potential, we must confront the challenges it encounters.

Recognizing common hurdles to effective communication

How many times have you found yourself speaking, only to realize that no one's listening? It's a disheartening experience. However, we can enhance our communication skills by identifying and sidestepping certain pitfalls.

A frequent misstep is our fondness for hyperbolic language. We often resort to grandiose terms like "amazing" or "genius" to describe mundane items, like a new pair of shoes, hoping to impress or earn favorable reactions. But in doing so, we dilute the true potency of these words, rendering them less impactful.

Our obsession with being right also hampers communication. When we're engrossed in proving our point, we overlook what the other person is genuinely trying to communicate. A study analyzing doctor-patient interactions in the United States and Canada discovered that doctors interrupted or corrected patients on average just 18 seconds into their statements.

A desire for approval or 'people pleasing' can also undermine our message. This tendency is prevalent during adolescence — a formative period when we often emulate peers to fit in. However, 'people pleasers' are often perceived as inauthentic, leading listeners to question their credibility.

Our handling of challenging, emotion-laden situations also obstructs effective communication. Instead of addressing these situations head-on, we often choose silence or attempt to tactfully navigate the emotional undercurrents. The author shares his aunt's story, who remembers her parents returning from the hospital after her mother was due to give birth. Instead of informing her about the stillbirth, her parents remained silent. The resulting confusion and unresolved emotions continued to taint their communication for years.

Fostering listening skills and understanding the gravity of our words

The nature versus nurture debate often veers into the realm of our communication abilities. However, research indicates that our aptitude for listening is more the product of personal experiences than genetic disposition.

A study analyzing twins' lives suggests that listening abilities are sculpted by unique experiences. Even identical twins, who share nearly the same genes and upbringing, may exhibit contrasting listening skills. For instance, if one twin spends his childhood immersed in television while the other is engrossed in books, it's likely that the latter would develop superior listening skills.

Further, our emotional state also influences our listening skills. During the honeymoon phase of a relationship, couples are more likely to be attentive and receptive, echoing the emotional undercurrent of that period.

While honing listening skills is vital, being mindful of our spoken words is equally crucial — they carry the power to shape people's perception of us. The potency of words was starkly illustrated in an incident involving Gerald Ratner, representative of his UK-based jewelry chain, Ratners, during a speech at the Institute of Directors Conference in April 1991.

In a bid to infuse humor and self-deprecation into his speech, Ratner claimed his store's affordable products were "crap," comparing them unfavorably to a prawn sandwich. His remarks soon headlined newspapers, leading to customers shunning the stores and a staggering £500 million drop in the company's value. From being a leading jeweler, Ratners found itself on the precipice of bankruptcy — all due to Ratner's ill-advised words.

Harnessing the power of eye contact and empathy for effective communication

Have you ever noticed someone struggling to grasp the dialogues in a dialogue-heavy movie or seeking constant explanations during meetings? These signs hint at subpar listening skills. But don't worry — with a few simple strategies, anyone can enhance their listening prowess.

Begin with maintaining eye contact. According to social psychologist Michael Argyle's book, Bodily Communication, we sustain eye contact 70 percent of the time while listening compared to just 40 percent when speaking. Eye contact ensures we aren't multitasking and therefore, not diluting our attention. By focusing entirely on the speaker, we not only display respect but also gain profound insights into the speaker's emotions and intentions, becoming better listeners.

Next, incorporate empathetic listening into your communication repertoire. Marisue Pickering, an esteemed authority on interpersonal communication at the University of Maine, identifies four pillars of empathetic listening: prioritizing others' feelings and thoughts over ours; revealing our emotions and opinions without reservations; visualizing ourselves in the shoes of the other person; and refraining from criticism or judgment while remaining receptive.

By incorporating these traits of empathetic listening, you can comprehend the speaker's emotions better and foster closer, more understanding relationships.

Parents often stumble at this point, tending towards critical listening rather than empathetic. When a child expresses her concerns or difficulties, parents typically respond with criticism or solutions. Both responses fail to provide emotional validation, potentially damaging the parent-child relationship and dissuading the child from sharing her feelings in the future. Instead, tuning into the child's emotions and acknowledging her feelings can significantly improve their bond.

Mastering storytelling and clarity for effective communication

While listening and speaking are two sides of the same coin, societal emphasis often tilts towards speaking. With insights into listening enhancement under our belt, let's explore ways to augment our communication and ensure our messages hit home.

A powerful way to amplify your voice is by utilizing time-honored storytelling techniques, drawing your audience in with captivating narratives. Stories of overcoming odds and triumphant victories, akin to Cinderella's rags-to-riches journey, are widely favored, according to researchers from the University of Vermont and the University of Adelaide who analyzed 1,737 pieces of fiction.

Pairing this storytelling structure with clear, purposeful communication can be quite effective. Consider social justice activist Bryan Stevenson's TED Talk in 2012, where he passionately illuminated the disparities within the US justice system. His personal investment in the topic was palpable, leaving audiences captivated and garnering him a standing ovation.

However, these tactics can only bear fruit if your message is unambiguous and clear. Jargon and complex language often found in political and academic circles can disorient and bore average listeners. Some of the most revered political speakers, such as former US presidents John F. Kennedy and Barack Obama, earned applause for their uncomplicated, direct language.

Kennedy galvanized Americans in 1961 with his straightforward declaration: “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon...”

Obama followed suit by enforcing the Plain Writing Act of 2010, prohibiting federal agencies from using language that isn't comprehensible to the general public. This further underscores the significance of lucidity and simplicity in language for effective communication.

Eliminating distracting speech habits by maintaining a good posture and controlling your volume

In our society, performers like actors and pop stars are often idolized, reinforcing the misleading belief that they are innately talented. But here's a reality check — performance is a learned skill, not a birthright.

Let's focus on improving public speaking skills for a start.

Firstly, pay attention to your posture. Certain postures and repetitive behaviors can result in a tense voice, which isn't conducive for public speaking. One such posture is the "text neck," caused by our hunched posture while working on laptops or staring down at our devices.

To self-diagnose a text neck, stand straight with your back against a wall. If your neck naturally leans forward, some neck exercises might be in order. You can rectify this posture by imagining a string pulling your head upright while you tuck your chin in. Practice this simple exercise for one minute daily to see improvements.

Next on the list is being mindful of your volume. The term "sodcasting" is a relatively new addition to our vocabulary, referring to individuals oblivious of their loudness intruding upon others. Originally coined to describe young folks blasting their music on public transportation, it's equally applicable to those unaware of their booming voices.

Consider the author's experience at an airport lounge, where a peaceful ambiance of people engrossed in their laptops was abruptly disrupted by an inconsiderately loud man on his phone. To avoid becoming this person, always keep a check on your voice's volume. A voice that's excessively loud might not only annoy your audience, but it could also overshadow your message.

Wrapping up

The crucial takeaway from this book:

To morph into a competent speaker, the initial step is to master listening skills, given their close interplay. Practicing empathetic listening can enhance your conscious awareness of your own speech, steering you towards articulating your thoughts in a manner that resonates with others.