How to Meet Your Self - Book Summary

Embarking on a journey of self-discovery

You've probably experienced those times when something seems off; like there's a void that needs to be filled. We've all been there, struggling to understand our emotions, feeling stuck and unfulfilled. In such moments, you can't help but ponder, "who am I?"

Enter psychologist Nicole LePera, a woman well versed with such struggles. Her personal journey of battling her inner demons—echoed by her clients and online community—led her to one inescapable conclusion: so many of us feel trapped and discontent because we've become strangers to ourselves.

LePera experienced her fair share of emotional breakdowns. But every storm has a silver lining, and in her case, the whirlwind propelled her on a path of healing and rediscovery—a journey to meet her authentic self.

Today, LePera is passionate about helping others embark on a similar path. In her book, she lays out a pathway to self-awareness and authentic discovery. The transformation isn't easy, and it certainly won't happen overnight, but the tools are simple—accessible to anyone who is curious and self-compassionate enough to put in the work.

So, why don't we embark on this enlightening journey? One day, you will meet your real self. And trust me, it's going to be an encounter worth every step of the way. Let's get started!

Wake up from autopilot and become aware.

We all have moments when we're caught in a whirlwind of routine, days blurring into one. You get up, you work, you sleep, and then repeat. This was Nicole LePera's life a few years ago. A dedicated therapist, she was embedded in a rut, prioritizing the needs of her clients while sidelining her own.

Isn't this a reflection of our own lives too? Many times, we're just operating on autopilot, going through the motions rather than living consciously.

LePera's insight into our "habit self" is quite fascinating. This is the side of us that's unconscious, molded by our past, often leading us to react habitually without understanding why. Your "habit self" could be irritable, snapping at your loved ones for no clear reason.

However, this "habit self" isn't the real you. Thus, it's time we disrupted this pattern.

LePera believes the first step to this transformation is consciousness—being fully aware of our habits to bring about change.

The concept of consciousness might feel intimidating, but in reality, it's quite straightforward. Here's a simple exercise—close your eyes, tap into your thoughts, pay attention to the sensations in your body, and then, open your eyes. That was it; you just became conscious. It's simply being aware of your inner and outer experiences.

Achieving consciousness is crucial for self-awareness. It helps us break away from living on autopilot, making us realize that our habits are not who we truly are but rather, automatic behavior conditioned over time. This awakening is key to unearthing your authentic self.

Consciousness isn't a one-time exercise; it's a continuous practice. Consider LePera's "daily consciousness check-in." Set aside three moments in your day to pause, ask yourself, "What am I doing?" and "Where's my attention right now?"

Incorporate consciousness into your everyday activities. Savor ordinary experiences like enjoying a meal or taking a shower. Tune into your senses, notice how you feel in the moment.

Moreover, start noticing your breath. Take pauses throughout the day to focus on your breathing. Is it slow or rapid? Shallow or deep? Do certain thoughts or experiences alter your breathing?

Make a habit out of these exercises. Over time, becoming conscious will become second nature.

Remember, every new habit you form creates new neural pathways in your brain. Due to neuroplasticity, our brains continually evolve, and with our behavior, we can steer that change. So, even if you feel stuck, remember you have the power to adopt positive habits and essentially, rewire your brain.

Attune yourself to your body's language.

Becoming more conscious means tuning in to your body as well—being aware of your physical sensations and needs. When we're on autopilot, we often become disconnected, unaware of the signals our bodies are sending us.

Think about your nervous system, for instance. Over the next few days, focus on your body and ask yourself:

Do you feel drained or find it hard to unwind?

Is it tough for you to focus, or do your thoughts race uncontrollably?

Is your breathing fast, shallow, and originating from your chest instead of your belly?

If you've responded 'yes' to any of these, chances are your nervous system could be dysregulated.

When we endure stress or trauma, our bodies often get stuck in an incessant 'threat-detection' mode. This constant vigilance can lead to social anxiety, numbness, and even depression over time. The problem is, many times, we don't even realize our nervous system is off balance. We might sense that something is amiss but shrug it off and continue in this state for years. LePera herself confesses she spent a significant part of her adult life in such a dysregulated state.

This is why it's crucial to listen to your body and heed its signals.

One easy exercise to help you tune into your body is the "body conscious pause." Pick a moment in your day, like when you wake up, and shift your entire focus to your body. Take note of any sensations you feel. Listen to what your body is trying to communicate and make a note of it.

You can incorporate these pauses throughout your day, making them part of your routine. Continually checking in with your body will help you become more aware of your needs and feelings.

But if you suspect your nervous system is out of balance, don't fret. You can restore its equilibrium and foster a sense of safety within your body.

Remember to take care of the essentials—nutrition, physical exercise, rest, and sleep. Plus, incorporate relaxation techniques into your everyday routine.

Here's a simple one: "the physiological sigh." It's a breathing exercise that enables you to absorb more oxygen, transmitting a safety signal to your body and relieving stress.

Let's try it now.

Inhale twice through your nose, then exhale slowly through your mouth, prolonging it like a yawn.

As you exhale, you should experience a calming, relieving sensation.

You can repeat this exercise as often and whenever you like. It's a small but potent act of self-care, helping to soothe your body.

Tune in to your emotional landscape.

If you've realized that you've been detached from your physical self, it's high time we delved deeper—let's explore your emotions. You might find a similar pattern of unawareness.

Take a moment and ask yourself—are you truly aware of your emotions? Do you understand what you're experiencing when you're angry or upset?

To truly meet yourself, you must acquaint yourself with your emotions. But what exactly are emotions?

Simply put, they're signals. Emotions communicate messages, guiding us through our environment and ensuring our safety.

First, they arise as physiological sensations like changes in heart rate or breathing. Following that, our subconscious mind interprets these sensations, converting them into emotions.

Consider this scenario:

You hear your partner shouting. The sudden noise startles you, causing your heart rate to quicken. A moment later, your subconscious tries to make sense of the situation. You think, "If my partner is yelling, they must be angry." Consequently, you experience the emotion of fear.

Notice how the emotion springs from the interpretation of the situation.

Interestingly, as physiological phenomena, emotions typically only last about 90 seconds. Your body naturally seeks to return to its state of peace and calm quickly.

However, your mind can prolong the emotion by incessant thinking, leading you to feel stressed or angry for a longer duration than necessary.

Next time you're experiencing an emotion, resist getting lost in your thoughts. Instead, observe.

What do you feel in your body? If you're angry, do you notice tension or clenched teeth?

Keep in mind these reactions can vary. Try to identify how you uniquely experience emotions.

Granted, in the heat of the moment, pinpointing your feelings can be challenging. So practice this exercise at calmer moments. When you're relaxed, recall a past episode where you felt anger or envisage one.

While thinking of this episode, shift your attention to your body. Notice any sensations and where they occur. Curiously explore these bodily feelings.

Once done, jot down your experiences. Repeat this exercise to explore different emotions, uncovering how they truly feel to you.

You might find it beneficial to keep a "daily feeling journal." Choose a time to reflect on sensations present in your body and what you're doing or thinking at that moment. Record your observations.

Understanding these connections is immensely valuable. As you get in touch with your emotions, you'll feel empowered to navigate them differently. You might start identifying patterns in your reactions to emotionally charged situations, and you'll find that you can choose to respond differently.

Moreover, as your grasp of your emotions improves, you'll be able to tap into your intuition and inner guidance.

Finally, you're inching closer to meeting your authentic self.

Unearth your true self.

We're all born with a tie to our authentic selves or our "soul"—the part of us that is wise, loving, and accepting.

Despite the omnipresence of our authentic self, many of us tend to lose connection with it.

A significant factor behind this disconnection is our upbringing and life experiences that condition us. We mold ourselves into versions more likely to receive love and acceptance from others.

Essentially, we seek external validation, neglecting our inner voice. With time, this leads to a distancing and disconnection from our true selves.

This was LePera's experience for most of her life, causing her feelings of burnout, confusion, and unhappiness.

However, she finally feels she is on the path to meeting her Self and is thrilled to discover who she truly is.

Becoming your authentic self is akin to peeling an onion—it's a slow process with many layers. But it's equally rewarding.

Wondering what it's like to be your true self? LePera likens it to being in a "flow state." As your authentic self, you're fully present, relaxed, and completely engaged in what you're doing, devoid of distractions from your thoughts. Time seems to fly by unnoticed.

It's an incredible feeling. So if you've lost touch with that part of yourself, it's time to reconnect.

To get started, you can apply the techniques we've already explored. Start by kicking autopilot mode to the curb and make efforts to be more conscious of your body and emotions.

Additionally, strive to cultivate stillness, silence, and solitude.

Your intuition converses with you throughout the day. But amid the constant distraction from your thoughts and the external world, it's tough to hear the voice of your authentic self.

So to uncover your true identity, spend some time in silence, free of distractions. Initially, it might seem challenging since many of us are unaccustomed to this. But it's worth persisting and witnessing what you discover about yourself along the way.

Make stillness and solitude part of your daily routine. Even when washing dishes, be present. Rather than wandering off in thought, bring your attention back to the task at hand.

There's a plethora of other activities you can engage in to reconnect with your authentic self. For instance, consider changes you've long wanted to make to your home and go ahead with them—redecorate!

Or think about the activities you genuinely enjoy—the ones that let you lose yourself in the experience. Make it a point to spend more time doing these activities.

By doing so, you'll gradually grow more aware of your authentic self. You'll experience what it's like to truly be you.

In Conclusion

Instead of merely existing, make use of straightforward exercises like conscious check-ins to grow more attuned to your internal happenings. With consistent practice, you'll find it simpler to tune into your body, emotions, and connect with your true self. As you become familiar with your authentic self, you can initiate changes to evolve into an improved version of yourself. From this point onwards, bid farewell to the autopilot mode—it's you who's steering the wheel.