Own Your Greatness - Book Summary

Understanding imposter syndrome: Unpack and rise above self-doubt

Have you ever felt like you didn't truly deserve your success? That maybe, just maybe, you were just one step away from being exposed as a fraud? If these thoughts echo in your mind, you're likely grappling with imposter syndrome. This concept, identified in the 1970s by psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes, captures the persistent belief among high achievers that they're not really as competent as people think they are.

This syndrome isn't just about occasional self-doubt; it's a persistent shadow that can darken your professional landscape, strain your mental health, and even damage your relationships. It's estimated that a stunning seventy percent of people will experience imposter syndrome at some point. For some, it's a fleeting experience. For others, it's a lingering challenge that demands a robust strategy to overcome.

Fortunately, breaking free from the shackles of imposter syndrome is possible. Drawing on decades of experience, the authors of "Own Your Greatness" present a structured path to reclaim your confidence.

This guide is not just about identifying the problem; it's about taking proactive steps to solve it. The solution involves various reflective exercises designed to create personal "coping cards." These cards serve as reminders of your true capabilities and help form a concrete action plan to dissolve feelings of fraudulence.

To make the most of this journey, you might want to grab a notebook and a pen. These tools will be essential as you engage in the exercises that lay ahead. Let's embark on this transformative path together, and step by step, let's address and dismantle the narrative of doubt that holds you back, explore how sharing your experiences can lighten your burden, and understand — interestingly — what ants can teach us about dealing with self-doubt.

Trace the roots of your self-doubt

Imagine you're carrying a narrative that quietly whispers doubts into your ear at every achievement. These whispers suggest that you're not truly skilled and are merely deceiving everyone around you. This is the imposter syndrome narrative, and it's a story that unfolds repeatedly, mostly within the confines of your own mind.

The first step to dismantling imposter syndrome is to delve into your past and uncover where these feelings of being an imposter began. For many, this journey goes back to childhood and deeply ingrained family dynamics.

Consider the environment in which you grew up. Perhaps it was a household that upheld exceptionally high standards, where achievements were the only yardsticks for success. Or maybe you found yourself always trying to please others, becoming the family's peacekeeper. It could be that you lived in the shadow of a sibling, always compared and seemingly falling short, or your unique talents were consistently overlooked.

Now, we embark on the initial exercise: pinpointing and understanding your "imposter origin story." Reflect deeply on these formative experiences. What narratives about yourself did you come to accept? How did these beliefs shape your role within your family, influence your views on competition, or affect your response to feedback?

Let's consider Elizabeth's example to guide us. Her story begins with her family labeling her as sensitive and overshadowing her achievements compared to her "smart" brother. This branding instilled in her a persistent need to please others and a tendency to undervalue her abilities, assuming they wouldn't be appreciated.

For your exercise, write down your own imposter origin story. Use this prompt to help you get started: "The dynamics that prompted my imposter syndrome were..." Detail the impact of these dynamics and try to keep your account concise, limiting it to a few sentences.

Pause and acknowledge — you're starting to dismantle a story that may have been building over years or even generations. This process might take time, but the journey toward reclaiming your authentic self is invaluable.

Identify and manage your imposter triggers

Well done on completing the first step and crafting your imposter origin story—your initial coping card! Now, armed with this knowledge, we move into the next phase: recognizing and dealing with your triggers.

A "trigger" is a situation that might amplify your feelings of being an imposter. It's essential to realize that while a trigger might set off these feelings, the real power lies in your response to it. Often, your response might be automatic, shaped by years of conditioned feelings of inadequacy.

Understanding and anticipating these triggers is the crucial first step in altering your reactionary patterns. This isn't just about knowing the triggers exist—it's about preparing for them and learning to respond differently.

Common triggers for imposter syndrome can vary widely but might include: receiving a promotion, starting a new job, undergoing a performance evaluation, presenting in a crucial meeting, accepting compliments, embarking on a new relationship, or navigating unfamiliar social gatherings.

Now, let's create your second coping card. Reflect on recent instances where you felt like an imposter. Think about the context: where were you, who was with you, what was said, and how did you feel and react? Write these down, detailing each scenario as best you can.

Next, look for patterns in these situations. You might complete the sentence, "I'm triggered by situations that involve..., places that include..., and people who..." Alternatively, you could reflect on your thoughts or feelings in these moments, completing the thought, "When I'm triggered, I often think or feel..."

I encourage you to pause here and take the time to complete this exercise thoroughly.

Congratulations! You now have a better grasp of what sets off your imposter syndrome. With this understanding, you're better equipped to start changing how you react in these situations. Let's keep this momentum as we proceed to the next step, where we'll explore changing the narrative around your imposter syndrome.

Refining your self-perception: Transform your narrative

Consider the repetitive negative mantras that often sail through our minds: “I only landed this job by chance,” or “I’m a fraud and it’s just a matter of time before everyone figures it out.” These thoughts can be relentless and damaging, but today we tackle the challenge of rewriting these scripts.

In this crucial step, you'll learn to reshape your imposter narrative into a story that is both fuller and more affirming. We refer to this technique as “thickening” the narrative. The notion here is simple: the typical imposter story is usually a "thin" one—oversimplified, lacking depth, and devoid of broader context.

Let's revisit Elizabeth’s case. Growing up, her narrative was shaped by being labeled as the emotional one, always overshadowed by her "smart" brother. This led her to internalize the belief that she wasn't intelligent—her story became unnecessarily narrow.

However, if we broaden Elizabeth’s story, we see a richer picture. Both she and her brother are actually intelligent, just in different ways. While her brother might grasp new concepts swiftly, Elizabeth excels through diligence and structured learning, such as taking detailed notes and methodically studying.

To begin reshaping your own narrative, grab your notepad and create two columns. Write down your old imposter narratives in the first column. In the second column, work on thickening each narrative. Ask yourself: What achievements or skills is the old narrative overlooking? What broader context is missing from this story? This process of thickening allows for a "both-and" thinking rather than a restrictive "either-or."

By acknowledging and incorporating the rich complexities of your true capabilities and experiences, you foster a narrative that is not only more complete but also deeply empowering.

Spend some time now to engage with this transformation. As you do, remember that changing long-held beliefs takes effort and persistence, but reconstructing your narrative is a powerful step towards owning your greatness.

Embrace and express your achievements

Overcoming imposter syndrome is not a solitary journey. Interestingly, the very act of sharing your feelings and experiences about imposter syndrome can significantly dilute its power over you. This step focuses on the profound impact of voicing your perceived inadequacies and acknowledging your actual competencies.

Start by identifying one or two people in your inner circle whom you trust implicitly. This could be a close friend, a family member, or a colleague. Open up to them about what it feels like to live with imposter syndrome—the anxieties, the fears, and specific triggers. This dialogue can be incredibly revealing and healing. You may discover that they have wrestled with similar insecurities or they might help you see the valuable skills and achievements that define you that you've overlooked.

Another crucial aspect of vocalizing your truth is to claim ownership of your accomplishments and abilities. Reflecting on the previous steps, it's clear that the imposter narrative often overshadows your true capabilities, leaving your real achievements unnoticed.

To shift this narrative, take a moment to list down all your skills and strengths. Consider what you excel at, including those talents that are often underappreciated or taken for granted. Think broadly—emotional intelligence, creative skills, technical expertise, leadership qualities, and more.

If you're finding this challenging, that's entirely normal. Remember, your imposter narrative has been minimizing these traits for a long time. To help kickstart this process, think of a few proud moments in your life. What skills were necessary to achieve those milestones?

Write these skills down as your fourth coping card. This list is a powerful tool to revisit whenever doubt creeps in, serving as a tangible reminder of your genuine abilities and successes.

Take some time now to engage in this exercise, connecting with trusted individuals and jotting down your skills. This acknowledgment not only reinforces your self-worth but also opens the door to genuinely owning your greatness.

Combatting Automatic Negative Thoughts

Picture this: you're enjoying a serene picnic, complete with delicious sandwiches and vibrant fruit, perhaps even a glass of wine in hand. Suddenly, your peaceful moment is disturbed by an invasion of ants, keen on swarming your feast.

This annoyance mirrors the intrusion of Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) that often plague our minds, particularly when imposter syndrome takes hold. These ANTs scramble across your mental landscape, carrying significant weight and disrupting your positive self-perception.

Now, in Step 5, our focus is to effectively silence these ANTs. These thoughts obstruct the positive reformation of your imposter narrative, dampening the self-affirmation we're working to build.

Let's identify some common varieties of ANTs:

- Mind-reading: "Everyone must think I’m unqualified."

- Labeling: "I'm so foolish; that mistake was embarrassing."

- Fortune-telling: "This is definitely going to fail."

- Catastrophizing: "If I slip up, I'll surely get fired."

- Unfair Comparisons: "I'm less capable than everyone else here."

- All-or-nothing Thinking: "If this isn't perfect, it's completely worthless."

- Discounting Positives: "They're just being nice, that praise wasn't real."

For your fifth coping card, jot down the ANTs that frequently visit your thoughts. How do these thoughts feed into your feelings of being an imposter?

To create an effective ANT repellent, start by critically questioning each ANT. For instance, if your go-to ANT is catastrophizing, challenge it with queries like, "What real evidence supports this outcome?" or "Has anyone actually been fired for a similar mistake?" Compile a list of these challenging questions, ready to deploy against future ANT invasions.

Finally, reframe each ANT with a constructive counterpart. For instance, rather than fearing termination for a minor error, remind yourself, "A mistake is a chance for feedback, which is a stepping stone to further growth and improvement in my role."

By methodically questioning and reframing these intrusive thoughts, you'll prepare yourself to better manage their impact, gradually shifting from a mindset of self-doubt to one of growth and self-confidence.

Embracing Role Experimentation for Personal Growth

By now, you may be starting to notice a shift in your self-perception — an encouraging development indeed! The next step involves putting this evolving self-image into practice through deliberate role experimentation.

We're specifically focusing on moving away from the restrictive roles that often accompany imposter syndrome, and instead, embracing new, affirmative roles. This step isn't just about changing what you do, but also significantly about modifying how you see yourself in various contexts.

Let’s delve into some typical roles those with imposter syndrome might find themselves in, and explore the liberating alternatives:

1. The Helper: If you often find yourself being the perpetual problem solver, transition to the role of the Help-Seeker. This means learning to reach out for assistance and allowing others the chance to offer support.

2. The Superperson: For those who try to handle everything independently, it's time to explore the role of the Collaborator. This involves sharing responsibilities and learning to delegate, thus fostering teamwork.

3. The Failure Avoider: If you're someone who shies away from risks to avoid failure, challenge yourself to adopt the position of the Risk-Taker. Engage in activities that involve calculated risks, and permit yourself the possibility of failure as a route to learning.

4. Behind-the-Scenes Leader: If you typically avoid the limelight due to fear of exposure, try stepping up as a Visible Leader. This doesn't mean you have to always be in the forefront, but rather, allow yourself moments to lead visibly and assertively.

Approaching these new roles should be done with a sense of playfulness and experimentation. You’re not abandoning your old roles but expanding your horizons by integrating new behaviors into your life. This is about adding variety to your personal repertoire, not a complete overhaul overnight.

Start in low-risk environments where you feel safe. Identify at least one situation or relationship where you can practice this new role. As you gain confidence, you can gradually apply these behaviors in more challenging or high-stakes scenarios.

For the exercise, create a coping card where you list these new roles alongside specific situations where they could be relevant. Consider different contexts like work, family, and social clubs, and outline how you can embody these roles in each scenario.

This step is about broadening your behavioral toolkit. Each new role you try is a step away from the confines of imposter syndrome and a step closer to a more confident and versatile self.

Assemble Your Support Squad

You've advanced through the various stages of overcoming imposter syndrome, and now it's time to solidify your support system. This final step involves creating a "dream team" — a group of individuals who will stand by you, offering advice, encouragement, and perspective as you continue on this path.

Let's outline the six essential roles you'll seek to fill on your team. As we go through each role, think of one or two people in your life who could best fulfill these duties, and consider specific situations in which you would lean on them. This mapping out will form your seventh and final coping card.

1. The Cheerleader: This person is your emotional booster. They uplift you when spirits are low or when doubts creep back in. Likely someone very close, like a beloved friend or family member.

2. The Grounder: Ideal for moments when you might be losing touch with reality due to anxiety, this is the person who helps keep your thoughts in check. Choose someone known for their practical and straightforward demeanor.

3. The Action Planner: When you need to break down a problem and devise a plan, this is your go-to. Often a knowledgeable colleague, they're skilled in distilling complex issues into actionable steps.

4. The Big-Picture Person: This invaluable team member helps you maintain perspective, reminding you of your long-term goals and values when minor setbacks cloud your vision—ideally someone intimately familiar with your aspirations.

5. The Imposter Expert: Whether they're a mentor who has navigated imposter syndrome themselves or a professional like a therapist or coach, their specialized insight is vital.

6. The Mentor: A seasoned veteran in your field who can offer guidance, help you navigate career challenges, and assist in leveraging opportunities for growth.

With your team delineated, gather all the coping cards you've developed throughout this process. You should have a robust set of seven cards, each a strategic tool to help you manage and eventually conquer imposter syndrome.

Envision the transformative potential of living free from self-doubt, fully embracing your capabilities, and genuinely believing in your worth. This is not just a possibility—it's within your reach with your newly formed dream team and the strategies you've acquired. Congratulate yourself for the commitment and progress you've made towards owning your greatness.

Embracing Your True Potential: A Recap

Conquering imposter syndrome is a journey, not a sprint, and along the way, you've equipped yourself with vital tools and strategies to overcome the pervasive feelings of self-doubt that characterize this challenge. Here’s a brief recap of the powerful steps you've undertaken:

1. Origin Story: You've identified the roots of your imposter feelings, tracing back to early life experiences and family dynamics that shaped your self-perception.

2. Know Your Triggers: Recognizing situations that amplify your imposter syndrome is crucial. By understanding these triggers, you can prepare and respond more effectively.

3. Change Your Narrative: You've learned to "thicken" your personal narrative, moving beyond the oversimplified self-doubts to acknowledge and appreciate the complexities and strengths of your real story.

4. Speak Your Truth: Opening up about your experiences with trusted individuals not only diminishes the power of imposter feelings but also reinforces your capabilities through external affirmation.

5. Silence Your ANTs: You’ve identified and challenged your Automatic Negative Thoughts, replacing them with positive, constructive self-talk that supports your growth and self-acceptance.

6. Experiment with New Roles: By stepping into new roles and behaviors, you're challenging the old patterns that imposter syndrome thrives on, expanding your self-concept.

7. Build Your Dream Team: Finally, assembling a support network ensures you have emotional and practical backup, ready to guide, encourage, and assist you in navigating forward.

With these seven steps, you now hold a comprehensive toolkit that will help you progressively dismantle the imposter syndrome that once seemed an integral part of your identity. As you continue to apply these tools, remember that each step forward is a step towards fully owning your greatness. The path may be ongoing, but the progress you make is real and rewarding.