Professional Troublemaker - Book Summary

Overcome fear to advocate for yourself

Imagine a world where fear doesn't hold you back. Often, fear sneaks up on us, paralyzing our ability to advocate for our ideals and express our true thoughts. Imagine, instead, turning that fear around to work in your favor.

Many people see fear as a roadblock — it freezes them, forcing them to stick to the beaten path just to keep things as they are. But what if you could transform that fear? What if you could make it a tool rather than a barrier?

Enter the mindset of a professional troublemaker — a person who views confrontation not as a hazard but as a form of kindness. These are the people who do not sunder under the weight of societal expectations but stand firm in their authentic selves. Rather than conforming to make others comfortable, they remain true to their beliefs and personality.

This narrative encourages you to picture your life lived boldly, without the shadows of fear. It discusses the connections between the daring decisions in "Game of Thrones" and West African traditions — how cultural and entertainment icons can inspire bravery and authenticity in our personal lives.

Moreover, it delves into the reasons why genuine kindness is superior to mere niceness. It asserts that occasionally, what society labels as "too much" might actually be exactly what is needed to make meaningful changes and embrace our true potential.

So, let this be a guide to stepping out of the shadows of fear and into the light of self-advocacy and authenticity. Embrace your inner professional troublemaker and revolutionize the way you interact with the world — one brave choice at a time.

Embrace your true self for resilience and authenticity

We all harbor some level of fear concerning our self-worth and identity. Fears about not being good enough or fears that our true selves might not measure up to societal standards often hold us back. This is a natural response to a world that sometimes feels unforgiving and judgmental. But what if, instead of shrinking from who we are, we learned to embrace and celebrate our true identities?

Here's a potentially revolutionary idea: Understanding and acknowledging your true self can actually be your greatest protection and strength in this harsh world.

When you know who you are — truly know — you're not just aware of your strengths and weaknesses, but you also gain a stable grounding. Imagine not feeling like you're precariously balanced at the edge of a cliff but rather standing firmly on solid ground that supports and strengthens you.

Realizing the power of your true self helps mitigate fears of instability. The fear that being different or challenging norms will topple you from your position is less daunting when you are secure in your identity. Essentially, a robust sense of self makes you resilient against risks and changes.

However, this concept isn't about becoming inflexible or unchangeable. It's about developing a self-awareness that allows you to exist confidently and authentically.

Let's draw inspiration from the Yorùbá people and their tradition of oríkì — personal praise poems that underscore an individual's place and identity within the community. Just like characters in "Game of Thrones" are introduced with titles that speak to their heritage and deeds, an oríkì surrounds a person with the power of their own unique story and accomplishments.

Consider crafting your own oríkì, a personal mantra that celebrates who you are, unapologetically. Forget modesty for a moment and embrace your achievements and traits as profoundly as "Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals." Maybe you're "Jordan the Fearless, Innovator of Ideas, Leader of Teams."

Keep this mantra where you can see it, maybe on your workspace or mirror, as a daily affirmation of your unshakeable identity. It's a declaration of your inherent worth, a reminder that you are not just enough — you are unique, and you are valued.

In this way, knowing yourself isn't just an act of personal acceptance; it's an armor and a weapon, empowering you to live fearlessly and authentically.

Embrace your "too much" — it might just be your superpower

You have crafted your own unique identity, celebrated it through your personalised oríkì, and anchored yourself in who you truly are. Yet, sometimes, you might still find yourself holding back, worried that your personality could be "too much."

It's a concern many face, often told they are too loud, too assertive, or too sensitive. Such feedback can feel like an indictment, a call to rein yourself in. But what if this so-called excess was not a flaw, but a hallmark of your deepest self?

The pivotal message here is: When it comes to your personality, "too much" is just right.

Consider why you might feel compelled to suppress your vibrant personality traits. More often than not, it's in an effort to appease others, to fit into a mold that feels constricting and unnatural. But is it really your responsibility to adjust your essence to comfort others? Think about it — would you force your foot into a shoe that's too small, or would you simply look for one that fits better?

This metaphor extends seamlessly to your personality. You are not oversized; the expectations and tolerances of others might simply be undersized regarding your true self.

Take inspiration from icons like Beyoncé, whose brilliance and charisma could easily be described as "too much." Yet, it’s precisely these qualities that define her and fuel her immense success and influence. Her ability to own her "too much" transforms what could be seen as excess into an undeniable strength.

However, balance is key. There are times when it's worth questioning if aspects of your personality are hindering your growth, harming others, or not coming from a place of authenticity. To discern this, ask yourself: Is this trait impeding my personal development or negatively impacting others? Is the criticism coming from someone with my best interests at heart?

If you find genuine reasons for concern, then yes, self-reflection and adjustment might be necessary. But if not, remember that what some might see as your "too much" could very well be the exact trait that makes you uniquely powerful and captivating.

Embrace your full self, and don’t shy away from being "too much." In the right context and embraced fully, it's not just acceptable — it’s your superpower.

Embrace honesty, even when it's uncomfortable

Consider this startling statistic: a University of Massachusetts study reveals that the average individual lies at least once during a brief ten-minute conversation. This tendency isn't necessarily because we all have a compulsion to deceive. Rather, it often stems from a desire to maintain harmony and avoid conflict.

But here's the rub: avoiding the truth doesn't actually make things better. It just smooths over the surface while potentially deeper issues fester unseen.

The essential takeaway here is: Be honest — even when you feel uneasy.

Honesty can carry significant risks and isn't distributed equally. For marginalized or financially insecure individuals, the repercussions of speaking the truth can be disproportionately severe. However, those who have the capacity to voice truths without jeopardizing their safety or wellbeing have a responsibility to do so.

Still, even when you're in a position to speak up, fear of confrontation can be a powerful deterrent. The reality is that this fear might never fully vanish. Waiting for a fearless moment to express honesty would mean waiting forever. The key is to act despite these fears.

So, how can you practice effective honesty, especially in sticky situations? A useful technique is simply to ask questions. This approach can gently prompt others to reevaluate their viewpoints, similar to strategies used in therapy.

For example, if you encounter someone making a racist joke, instead of laughing along or staying silent, ask them to explain it. This puts the onus on them to unpack their bias, often leading to a revealing and uncomfortable reflection for them. Similarly, when someone proposes a problematic idea, inquire about the potential challenges they foresee with their plan.

It's not about being disagreeable or contrarian for its own sake, but about fostering genuine understanding and reflection. To keep your interventions productive, consider these three guiding questions before speaking up: Do I truly believe in what I'm saying? Can I reasonably defend my position? Are my intentions constructive?

If you can affirmatively answer these questions, then you're on solid ground to proceed with honesty. This isn't just about challenging others but about holding yourself to a standard of integrity that can create real change.

Learn to delegate and lighten your load

Do you find yourself constantly anxious over losing control? Maybe you dread the idea of your colleague botching an important presentation, or you're convinced your spouse will forget the dry cleaning yet again. It often seems easier to just do everything yourself rather than to risk the mishaps that might occur if others are involved.

However, harboring this mindset can be more debilitating than empowering. Holding on to every task because you fear others might not meet your standards doesn't exemplify strength; it highlights fear.

Here's something radical you might consider: fire yourself. Yes, that's right. Those tasks you cling to because you can't bear to hand over the reins? You're no longer responsible for them. They need to be passed to someone else.

Embracing delegation doesn't mean abdicating responsibility—it means sharing it. Perhaps it's time for your kids to take a turn at washing the dishes. Sure, they might not get it perfect initially, but perfection isn't the goal. Or maybe let a colleague handle that phone call while you manage other priorities.

Accepting that results can be imperfect is a crucial step. The world will not crumble if every detail isn't exactly as you would have it. Remember, life isn't a solo act; it's more of a collaborative group project. And you don't always have to be the team leader.

One of the hardest parts of this shift is overcoming the guilt associated with letting go. Society often lionizes the figure who can 'do it all', but this is a myth—an unrealistic standard that no one can truly live up to, including you. It's essential to dismantle the belief that needing help equates to failure.

Maybe your upbringing or past experiences have led you to believe that you must handle everything yourself. Recognize that this mindset is a burden, not a badge of honor. The journey toward collaboration and delegation starts with forgiving yourself for not being able to do everything. By spreading responsibilities, you not only alleviate your own stress but also empower others around you to grow and contribute, creating a shared space of productivity and relief.

Choose kindness over mere niceness

Many of us strive to avoid conflict and maintain smooth relations, often opting to be what is socially considered "nice." Being nice usually involves non-confrontational behavior, like agreeing with others or laughing along, even when we might disagree secretly. The goal is often to avoid being sidelined or ostracized — after all, nobody enjoys being the outcast.

However, consistently being nice can detract from your authenticity. It can lead you to prioritize the preferences and feelings of others, sometimes at the expense of your own voice and dignity. It means turning a blind eye to mistreatment or allowing significant issues to go unaddressed just to avoid causing a stir.

But what's the alternative? Abandoning all social graces to become disagreeable? Absolutely not.

Here's a pivotal insight: Aim to be kind, not nice.

Understanding the difference between being nice and being kind is crucial. Niceness often revolves around superficial interactions — think small talk about the weather. Kindness digs deeper. It's not just noticing it might rain; it's caring enough to offer an umbrella.

Kindness stems from a place of genuine compassion and empathy. It involves sincere actions and words, reflecting a balance between respecting others and respecting yourself. Being nice, conversely, can sometimes mean putting others' happiness before your own, not out of empathy, but out of a desire to be viewed favorably.

Kindness is not passive. It's an active, sometimes bold endeavor. It doesn't shy away from tough love or necessary confrontations. Sometimes, asserting yourself — having that "who do you think you're talking to?" moment — is the kindest action if it means protecting your dignity or that of others.

Consider this: Would you prefer to be described as nice or kind? If someone calls you nice, it might imply you're easily walked over, always ready to please. Being called kind, however, suggests you care deeply but also command respect and boundaries.

If you prioritize being nice, you might often end up feeling unsatisfied — swallowing your words in the face of injustice, tolerating unfair treatment, and receiving less than you deserve.

Kindness, on the other hand, empowers you. It drives you to take action against injustices, not just smile through them. It encourages involvement and advocacy, not just passive acceptance. In the end, aiming for kindness offers a more fulfilling, authentic, and respectful way to navigate the world.

The power of a strong social circle

Consider the harsh reality of solitary confinement in prisons. It's deemed one of the most severe punishments because it plays against our fundamental need for social interaction. Humans are inherently social creatures; isolation goes against our very nature.

Interestingly, in the outside world, some of us take pride in being "lone wolves," cherishing our independence and the thrill of facing life's challenges alone. This highlights our self-sufficiency and perhaps even feeds our ego. However, just as we've discussed the importance of sharing tasks, the value of sharing our lives with friends is immeasurable.

Indeed, everybody needs a gang of friends.

The concept, popularized by entrepreneur Jim Rohn, suggests that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. While the exact number might be debatable, the underlying principle holds strong: the company we keep significantly influences our behavior, ambitions, and ultimately, our overall well-being.

The influence of friends is profound. For instance, if your close circle is composed of laid-back individuals, their relaxed approach to life might rub off on you. Conversely, if you surround yourself with motivated, active friends, you might find yourself getting up early for that morning workout or engaging in other productive activities.

It's important to note that friends come in various forms, and not all are meant to fit the same role. You've got your Day One Friends—those who have been with you through thick and thin. They know your history, can embarrass you with old photos, and are quick to keep you grounded when needed.

Then, there are mentors—those who inspire and guide you, possibly a respected teacher or a leader in your field. These relationships differ from those with your long-time friends but are equally valuable.

Remember, the quantity of friends isn't the key factor. What matters is the quality of these relationships. Whether it's just a couple of close friends or a broader circle, having people who support you, challenge you, and offer unconditional love is crucial.

So, cherish your social connections and recognize their role, not just in your happiness, but in shaping the person you are and aspire to be.

Embrace your space and shine your true self

Here’s the overarching theme: Claiming your rightful place in the world enhances your life immeasurably. It's a journey often accompanied by fear, but one that you don’t have to undertake alone. Grounding yourself in a strong sense of self, surrounding yourself with supportive friends, and adhering to principles of honesty and kindness forms a robust foundation that enables you to express your true identity fully.

Each step, from understanding your unique qualities and embracing your "too much," to choosing kindness over superficial niceness, plays a critical role in how you interact with the world around you. When you commit to genuine self-expression and integrity in your dealings, you not only live more authentically but also contribute positively to the lives of those around you.

So, move forward with the knowledge that your true self, supported by sincere relationships and grounded in honest, kind interactions, allows you to occupy the space you deserve in the world—and shine brightly while doing so.