Rising Strong - Book Summary

Discover the strength within setbacks and learn to stand taller than before.

Imagine you’ve hit a rough patch — losing a job, discovering a loved one's betrayal, or facing daily frustrations like theft or public speaking mishaps. We've all been there in one way or another, facing moments that knock us down unexpectedly or as a result of our own missteps. Some might dub these moments as "falling," while others might term them "failing," but regardless of the label, such experiences are universal to the human condition. This narrative isn't about the art of avoiding failure - because, let’s face it, where's the bravery in that? Instead, it's about embracing those falls and learning the art of rising strong.

Throughout this journey, you'll uncover valuable lessons such as:

- The power of "permission slips" in acknowledging and owning your emotions;

- The transformative process of crafting a "shitty first draft" to enhance self-awareness; and

- The difficult yet necessary act of letting go of certain expectations and dreams.

Falling is inevitable when you dare to be brave, but it's not the fall that defines us. It's our courage to rise again, stronger and wiser, that truly shapes our character. Join us as we explore the resilience of the human spirit and how, through acknowledging our vulnerabilities and learning from our setbacks, we can forge a path to a more robust and fulfilling life.

Embrace the courage to fail and discover the power of rising from the ashes.

In the grand adventure of life, stepping into unknown territories is a necessity for growth but comes hand in hand with the risk of falling flat on our faces. Imagine, for a moment, stepping into a new role with immense responsibility, your every move under scrutiny. Or picture yourself trying to keep up in a dance class, limbs flailing awkwardly — these are the moments that test our resolve, leaving us exposed and vulnerable.

This raw vulnerability and the inevitable failures that accompany it can be daunting, filling us with shame and doubt, tempting us to forever stay within the confines of our comfort zone. Yet, it's precisely in these moments of trial and failure that the seeds of greatness are sown. Yes, preparing to rise strong from these setbacks is not just beneficial but crucial.

Rising strong is not a rigid, step-by-step manual but rather a guiding philosophy, offering principles that can be tailored to each individual's journey. However, before we delve into the intricacies of such a transformative process, there are three pivotal truths to embrace:

The first step towards rising strong is a wholehearted acceptance of failure as a part of the journey. This entails not just acknowledging the possibility of failing but actually leaning into it with all your might, embracing the lessons it brings. Secondly, remember, you are not alone in this quest. The path of failure is well-trodden, and while nobody can take your place in facing your challenges, there is a wealth of wisdom to be shared by those who have navigated their own.

Lastly, the ripples of your resilience in rising strong extend far beyond your personal narrative. Your courage to rise after a fall not only transforms you but can inspire and impact those around you in profound ways.

As we gear up to uncover the nuances of this empowering process, keep these truths close to your heart. Let them serve as your north star as we venture into understanding how to turn falls into fortitude, and vulnerabilities into victories.

Master the art of bouncing back with a three-step journey: Recognize, Rumble, and Revolutionize.

Embarking on the journey of rising strong after a setback is akin to navigating through uncharted waters. Each person's voyage is unique, but there's a compass that can guide us all: a three-part process that has helped countless individuals chart their course through stormy seas.

The voyage begins with the reckoning. This crucial first phase is all about coming face to face with our emotions. It's when we notice the storm brewing within us — an emotional shift triggered by an event or situation. Instead of steering away from this tempest, those who rise strongly lean into it, recognizing and acknowledging the emotional turmoil. They become detectives of their own minds, exploring the intricate links between their feelings, thoughts, and actions with an insatiable curiosity.

Once the reckoning has set the stage, we move into the rumble. Think of it as entering the eye of the storm — where the real challenge lies. This phase demands a hard look at the narratives we've constructed around our struggles. What tales do we tell ourselves about our hardships? By revisiting, interrogating, and fact-checking these stories, we engage in a deep, introspective battle. The rumble requires us to confront and wrestle with the darker aspects of our experiences — shame, blame, sorrow, and the possibility of forgiveness — in order to gain a deeper understanding of who we are.

The final phase is the revolution. It's what happens when the insights gleaned from our rumble catalyze profound changes in our lives. This isn't about gradual, incremental shifts. No, the kind of transformation that occurs here is radical, reshaping the way we live, love, parent, work, and engage with the world around us.

Curious to see how this transformative process can take root in your own life? As we dive deeper into each stage, we'll uncover how to harness the power of rising strong, turning setbacks into stepping stones for a revolutionized existence.

Embrace and examine your feelings to navigate through life's storms.

Ever wonder how some people seem to effortlessly bounce back after a setback, unfazed by life's curveballs? It may appear like they possess some sort of magic resilience, but in reality, their secret lies in a shared crucial ability — mastering the art of reckoning with their emotions. This skill isn't exclusive; you too can cultivate it by following two essential steps.

Step one involves acknowledging your emotions, a process that might seem simple on paper but is fraught with challenges. In our quest to remain stoic or rational, we often ignore or dismiss what we truly feel. That wave of irritation or disappointment that strikes? Our knee-jerk reaction might be to push it aside with logical reasoning or to divert our attention away from it. However, this approach is akin to putting a band-aid on a wound without treating it — the emotion doesn't disappear; it simmers beneath the surface, potentially leading to a more dramatic outburst later. The remedy? Grant yourself the unequivocal right to feel. Similar to how the author wrote herself a "permission to feel" slip, you too can explicitly allow yourself to experience and embrace your emotions, regardless of their nature.

The second step takes you deeper into the emotional labyrinth — getting curious about your feelings. Once you've acknowledged your emotional state, it's time to play detective with your own psyche. What's triggering your mood today? Why does a particular incident evoke such a strong reaction? This phase is not about judgment but about understanding. Curiosity, as research suggests, is a powerful ally in problem-solving. By adopting an inquisitive mindset, you not only gain insights into your emotional triggers but also open doors to creative and effective solutions for the challenges at hand.

Together, these steps form the bedrock of emotional reckoning, enabling you to face life's storms with a newfound clarity and resilience. Prepare to dive into your feelings, not as an adversary but as a curious explorer, ready to discover the lessons hidden within.

Uncover your truth by dissecting the tales you weave around your challenges.

It's a common human tendency to construct stories about our lives. These narratives shape our understanding of the world, granting us a semblance of meaning, community, and self. Yet, there’s a thin line between being guided by our stories and being ensnared by them.

This is where the art of rumbling, the pivotal second phase in the process of rising strong, comes into play. Its essence lies in critically examining the stories we spin, especially those we weave around our trials and tribulations. By doing so, we can not only prevent these narratives from constricting us but also gain profound insights into our existence.

When confronted with discomfort or adversity, our instinct is to stitch together a narrative that provides clarity and relief. We often craft these stories by linking our current woes with past distress, forging a continuous thread of suffering that ostensibly spans our entire lives. This might offer a temporary solace, but it also traps us in a perpetual cycle of pain, convincing us that our struggles are both unending and predestined.

Rumbling invites us to dismantle these narratives. It encourages us to identify and challenge the assumptions, or as the author calls them, the "conspiracies and confabulations," that underlie our self-spun tales of woe. The most potent tool in this endeavor is penning down what is referred to as a "shitty first draft." This draft is a raw, unfiltered outpouring of our perceptions surrounding a struggle, structured in a simple, even rudimentary, format. Think of it as laying out the framework of your narrative with statements like "The story I'm making up is…" or "My emotions, body, thinking, and actions are telling me…"

This technique offers us a precious opportunity to step back and view our stories with fresh eyes. When our tangled thoughts are laid bare on paper, the distortions and pitfalls within our narratives become startlingly evident. Recognizing these traps is crucial, for they are the very snares that keep us rooted in place, unable to move forward.

By learning to rumble with our stories, we embark on a journey of self-discovery that not only liberates us from our self-imposed shackles but also paves the way for genuine growth and transformation.

Navigating personal turmoil: Lessons in boundaries, integrity, and generosity from the author's ordeal.

To truly understand the process of rising strong, it's helpful to examine it in action through a personal anecdote from the author's own life — particularly, a situation that tested her limits and ultimately led to significant self-discovery.

The scenario unfolded when the author signed up to present at a conference, only to be later informed that she'd have to share a hotel room with another speaker. Despite her discomfort with this arrangement, the implied message that requesting a separate room would be frowned upon led her to reluctantly agree in an effort to avoid conflict and maintain a positive image.

Unfortunately, the roommate situation was far from ideal. The author’s roommate was inconsiderate — from ruining hotel property to blatantly disregarding the hotel's smoking policy, behaviors that indirectly implicated the author as well. This experience left the author feeling unjustly punished for her compliance and flexibility.

In the wake of the conference, while navigating a sea of negative emotions and harsh judgments towards everyone in her path at the airport, the author was prompted to introspect: Why was she harboring so much anger and resentment?

Engaging in the process of rumbling, she put pen to paper and outlined the raw, unfiltered narrative of her experience. The essence of her "shitty first draft" captured her feelings of being exploited for her adaptability, a sentiment encapsulated by the thoughts: “I was accommodating, and yet taken for granted by the event organizers.” It was a tale of perceived goodness versus unfair exploitation, punctuated by a profound sense of injustice.

The act of rumbling brought about crucial revelations for the author. What she unearthed through her reflection was a simple yet transformative insight: the imperative of upholding personal boundaries to fend off needless resentment. This ordeal taught her that surrendering to others' demands — especially at the expense of her comfort and principles — was a self-betrayal that led to nothing but frustration and bitterness.

The resolution the author arrived at was a promise to herself: to be the steward of her own wellbeing, even when faced with external pressures. This episode wasn't just a lesson in the importance of maintaining boundaries; it was a profound realization about integrity and the generosity of assuming responsibility for one's choices and consequences. Through this personal tumult, the author learned to navigate life's challenges with a newfound sense of empowerment and self-assurance.

Tackling disappointment head-on by reevaluating our expectations.

It's a familiar scenario — you've just muttered to yourself, "I should have seen it coming," or "Was it really that much to ask?" Chances are, you were grappling with the sting of disappointment, an all-too-familiar emotion whether we're navigating our careers or personal relationships.

Our lives are dotted with expectations, from the outcomes of family vacations to the success of a workplace project. While these expectations can serve as a source of motivation and anticipation, they are also often at the heart of our frustrations. The gap between what we hope for and what actually transpires can lead to feelings of bitterness and discontent. However, it doesn't have to end in disappointment.

Enter the process of rumbling — a deep dive into our expectations to prevent or mitigate the disappointment that comes when they're unmet. It's crucial to articulate what exactly we anticipate from our colleagues, loved ones, and even ourselves. Why? Because expectations have a way of forming subconsciously, only making their presence known through the discomfort of disillusionment. Our task is to bring them into the open, clarify them, and share them with those involved. Take, for instance, the practice of the author and her partner discussing their hopes for weekends, holidays, and busy periods at work, all in the spirit of keeping expectations grounded in reality.

Expectations are also intricately linked to the complex dance of forgiveness within our closest relationships. Love and pain are two sides of the same coin in families and partnerships, and at some junctures, we find ourselves wrestling with how to forgive.

Yet, forgiveness extends beyond merely forgetting past grievances. It often requires us to let go of certain expectations we hold. This might mean accepting that our parents are flawed humans capable of mistakes or redefining our vision of a flawless, conflict-free marriage. It's through this relinquishment of unrealistic anticipations we can truly embrace our relationships with open hearts, paving the way for growth and healing.

In essence, by meticulously examining and redefining our expectations, we arm ourselves against the inevitable disappointments of life, allowing space for understanding, forgiveness, and a deeper connection with those around us.

Embracing help as a courageous step towards resilience.

Have you ever had a phrase linger in your mind, altering your perspective and challenging long-held beliefs? For the author, such a moment came during a fundraiser event aimed at supporting the homeless. The pastor's words, "When you look away from a homeless person, you diminish their humanity," struck a chord, prompting a deep self-reflection.

Confronted with the uncomfortable truth that she, too, often averted her gaze from those living on the streets, the author embarked on a journey of introspection. Her emotions were a whirlwind of guilt over her privileged position juxtaposed against a deeply ingrained belief that seeking help equated to weakness.

To process these conflicting feelings, she drafted an unvarnished account of her internal struggle: "I'm not contributing enough. I’m overwhelmed by guilt for what I have and embarrassed by how little I act. It's time to DO MORE!!!" Through this candid rumble with her thoughts, the author confronted the luxurious distance her life afforded her from the hardships of homelessness. Yet, she was also grappling with her own biases—biases rooted in the mistaken notion that seeking assistance is a sign of frailty.

It was within these pages of raw honesty that she stumbled upon a crucial revelation: her disdain towards the homeless, in part, stemmed from their visible need for help — a need she had been conditioned to view as a flaw. But, as she dug deeper, a profound epiphany took shape. The act of asking for help, far from being a weakness, emerged as an essential facet of resilience. It takes immense strength to rise from the ashes of defeat, and yet greater bravery to reach out for a hand to support you in that ascent.

This realignment of perspective underscored a vital lesson — one that goes beyond stereotypes and societal judgments. Recognizing the valor in seeking assistance not only dismantles prejudices but also fortifies the foundational principles of rising strong. It's in the moments of vulnerability, when we extend our hand for help, that we truly embrace the courage it takes to heal, grow, and ultimately, triumph.

Transforming team dynamics through the power of accountability and trust.

Imagine a scenario in the high-stakes world of advertising where trust is as crucial as creativity. Here, the tale of Andrew, a senior leader dubbed the strategy savant of his agency, unfolds. Renowned for being the linchpin of success within his team, Andrew's decisions were revered as gospel—until one significant oversight tested the very foundation of trust and accountability within his team.

The blunder came when a high-stake project under Andrew's guidance failed disastrously, despite the team's relentless effort. The aftermath was a storm of frustration and eroding trust, primarily because Andrew had not transparently communicated the potential risks involved. With tensions running high and trust hanging by a thread, Andrew found himself at a crossroads. The path he chose would redefine his leadership and the team's cohesion: the path of rumbling with accountability and trust.

Rumbling with accountability wasn't just about confronting the failed project; it was about Andrew standing before his team, bearing the weight of the outcome. He embodied what it means to hold oneself accountable in a leadership role, exemplifying that accountability paves the way for building robust relationships, both professionally and personally. His heartfelt apology and admittance of the mistake was not a sign of weakness but a courageous act of taking responsibility.

Furthermore, Andrew's situation illuminates the delicate dance with trust within a team dynamic. Contrary to the common misconception that trust is shattered beyond repair post-mistake, Andrew's story shows that trust and errors can indeed coexist. It hinges on the willingness to mend what's broken and remain steadfast to collective values. Andrew's open admission of fault did more than just repair; it elevated the team's trust, respect, and transparency to unprecedented levels.

This paradigm shift within Andrew's team serves as a testament to the transformative power of embracing accountability and nurturing trust, especially following a failure. It underscores the notion that teams can indeed emerge stronger, more connected, and driven by shared values and mutual respect when navigating the rocky terrain of mistakes together. Follow along as we delve deeper into the nuances of leveraging the rising strong process within group settings, unlocking the potential to revolutionize workplace culture and team dynamics.

Uniting to rise stronger: The collective strength in the rising strong process.

While the journey of rising strong provides invaluable insights to individuals, its transformative power multiplies exponentially when adopted by groups - be it in corporations, small businesses, educational institutions, or places of worship. Imagine the potential unleashed when an entire community embraces the ethos of rising strong together.

Take, for instance, The Daring Way, a company founded by the author that brings the principles of vulnerability, courage, and worthiness into professional settings. One of their core practices involves integrating the rumbling process into daily workplace interactions, turning potential conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding.

Consider a scenario from the author's experience, where a seemingly simple scheduling request during a team meeting revealed underlying concerns. By proposing to postpone a discussion on a certain project, the author inadvertently triggered feelings of devaluation and worry in a team member who was deeply invested in that project. The team member openly shared their initial reaction, effectively laying out their "shitty first draft" of the situation: The fear that the project, and by extension their efforts, was losing its significance within the team's priorities.

Acknowledging this vulnerability, the author clarified her intentions, emphasizing the importance of the project and her desire to give it the attention it deserved, rather than rushing through it. This exchange not only resolved the immediate misunderstanding but also reinforced the value of open, honest communication, setting a precedent for how challenges are approached collectively.

This incident underscores a vital realization - that decisions and actions within an organization have a profound impact on its members, and it’s essential to navigate these waters with transparency and consideration. Moreover, it demonstrates the power of rumbling in preempting and resolving conflicts by encouraging a culture where concerns are voiced, heard, and addressed.

The essence of this approach is the acknowledgement that the stories and assumptions we construct—about our work, colleagues, and the organization at large—can erode the foundational strength of a team. Through the practice of rumbling, a group not only confronts these narratives but also cultivates a unity and resilience that enables them to emerge from challenges not just intact, but stronger and more cohesive than ever before.

In embracing the rising strong process as a collective endeavor, teams can forge a path that is marked by empathy, understanding, and an unbreakable bond, truly exemplifying the adage that we are stronger together.

Embracing resilience through a three-step journey.

At the heart of "Rising Strong" is a profound process composed of three transformative steps: the reckoning, the rumble, and the revolution. The journey begins with the reckoning, a stage where we acknowledge and explore our emotions deeply, seeking to understand the roots of our feelings. Following this, we enter the rumble, a critical phase of self-reflection where we challenge the narratives we've constructed around our experiences, allowing us to uncover truths about ourselves. The final step, the revolution, marks a significant transformation in how we approach life, armed with newfound courage and confidence. This transformative process not only equips us to bounce back from failures and setbacks but empowers us to emerge stronger and more resilient, ready to face life's challenges with grace and determination.