The High 5 Habit - Book Summary

Harness the power of positivity with one simple gesture

Imagine starting your day not with a groan but with a triumphant gesture that sets the tone for positivity and success. Sounds appealing, right? That's the transformative promise of the High 5 Habit, a surprisingly straightforward practice with the potential to radically alter your outlook and effectiveness each day.

In this exploration of Mel Robbins' motivational approach, we will discover how a simple high five in the mirror every morning can rewire our brain's pathways towards self-encouragement and personal cheerleading. Dive into the reasons why being less apologetic can enhance your assertiveness, explore the neurological impacts of positive gestures on our brain, and learn why adjusting our mindset could be as routine yet crucial as our daily chores.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

- The underestimated power of reducing apologies.

- The scientific backing for how a high five can restructure your neurological wiring.

- An analogy that suggests mindset shifts are as vital and habitual as doing the laundry.

Ready to give yourself a high five into happiness and self-confidence? Let's get started.

Transform your mornings with a mirror high five

As you face the mirror while brushing your teeth each morning, what do you see? Do you acknowledge the person you've become, appreciate your appearance, or celebrate the capabilities of your body? Or—like most people—do you critique and criticize every flaw you can find?

Mel Robbins, like many of us, was no stranger to this routine of self-criticism. Each morning, she would scrutinize her reflection, picking apart her perceived imperfections, from her chin to her stomach. Following this session of self-deprecation, she would stress over the day’s looming responsibilities.

However, one particular morning marked a pivotal change.

The central theme here is: Start the day by high-fiving your reflection.

On that transformative morning, Mel didn't follow her usual script of faults and flaws. Instead, she raised her hand and initiated a high five toward her mirrored image.

You might wonder why. At that moment, Mel was overwhelmed, exhausted, and dissatisfied with herself, and she needed a boost that could only come from within. Surprisingly, this gesture of a high five acted as a signal of self-support and belief.

Admittedly, it felt a bit silly at first, but the positive impact was undeniable. Mel turned this into a daily ritual, with each high five building her self-esteem and altering her morning mood for the better.

This simple act led her to a powerful realization: life could significantly improve if she chose to support rather than sabotage herself. Instead of a barrage of criticism, why not offer words of encouragement and praise?

Tomorrow, as you stand before your mirror, remember you have a choice. You can dwell on negatives and imperfections, or you can uplift yourself with a hearty high five.

Make the choice that fosters self-love and empowerment—give yourself a high five!

Unlocking the transformative power of high fives: A scientific perspective

High fives — what do they remind you of? Perhaps, the thrill of scoring a winning goal, the joy of a friend’s accomplishments, or simply moments of shared happiness.

Mel Robbins recalls a particularly vivid memory involving this gesture during the grueling New York City marathon in 2001. Facing excruciating pain from blisters and feeling utterly exhausted, it was the high fives from strangers — more than anything else — that propelled her forward, providing both motivation and relief in her time of need.

This instinctive morale booster isn't just affective folklore; it's supported by compelling scientific research.

Here’s the key message: Scientific research confirms the significant impact of high fives.

In a fascinating study, researchers set out to understand the effects of different motivational techniques on children completing tasks. Some participants were praised for inherent traits like intelligence, others were commended for their effort, while a distinct group received high fives. Interestingly, it was the latter group that not only felt most positive about their efforts but also persisted the longest in their tasks.

But how does self-applied high fiving measure up? It turns out, giving yourself a high five could be just as potent. According to research in the field of neurobics — exercises that enhance brain performance — this simple act can fundamentally alter your brain's structure.

Neurobics thrive on the unexpected. When you merge a routine activity (like brushing your teeth) with an unusual action (like a self-high five), your brain engages more deeply. Through this process, termed "neural gymnastics," your brain is better positioned to forge new connections and pathways.

By high-fiving your reflection, you signal your brain to pay attention due to the novelty of the action. When paired with positive affirmations, this practice embeds those encouraging thoughts more firmly into your psyche.

Try a simple experiment: for the next five days, start each morning by high-fiving yourself in the mirror. Observe how this small change might brighten your attitude and transform your approach to daily challenges. The power of this simple gesture could surprise you.

How negative self-talk can lead to destructive life choices

Long before Mel Robbins became a renowned life coach, her personal journey was marred by struggles and missteps exacerbated by negative thoughts. Reflect on a pivotal instance during her time at law school, where she secured a seemingly promising internship at the attorney general’s office in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Tasked with analyzing criminal reoffense rates—an issue close to her heart—Robbins found herself paralyzed by the burden of the project. Overwhelmed by a fear of failure, she allowed her anxiety to prevent her from even beginning the task. When confronted by the attorney general for her inaction, she concocted excuses and abruptly left the position without formally resigning.

The central insight here is: Negative thoughts can catalyze a cascade of destructive behaviors.

This incident set a pattern; Robbins’ inclination to self-criticize not only cost her a significant opportunity but also deepened her self-doubt and sense of failure. This negative self-perception continued to spiral when, the following summer, she secured another excellent internship with a legal firm in New Mexico. Again, her anxiety and self-doubt peaked, pushing her to fabricate a family emergency and withdraw from the opportunity before even starting.

These life events might seem disconnected from the simple act of high-fiving oneself in the mirror. However, these early experiences of self-sabotage were directly tied to Robbins' entrenched habits of self-criticism.

Therapy later revealed to Robbins the destructive cycle at play: negative self-perceptions not only emerge from failures but also foster a propensity to fail by hampering self-confidence and motivation. This vicious cycle propels ongoing patterns of self-defeat and missed opportunities.

Robbins learned that the antidote to this damaging cycle is fostering self-support and kindness. Instead of spiraling into self-loathing with each setback, fostering a habit of encouraging oneself can break this cycle. A daily practice as simple as a mirror high five embodies this shift—turning a habitual gesture of celebration into a powerful affirmation of self-worth and resilience.

Ultimately, learning to be a supportive cheerleader for oneself can transform paralyzing self-doubt into empowering self-confidence, altering the trajectory from avoidance to achievement.

Clearing your mental filter for a healthier mindset

Think about the routine maintenance of your clothes dryer — specifically, the task of cleaning out the lint filter. It's a simple but necessary step to ensure your dryer functions properly, as accumulated lint can hinder its performance.

This concept of clearing out what no longer serves a purpose is not just applicable to household appliances; it also relates to our mental processes. Just as the dryer has its lint filter, our minds have something similar — the Reticular Activating System, or RAS. This RAS plays a crucial role by filtering the information that our brains process, deciding what gets noticed and what gets ignored.

The key point here is: Your RAS can become congested with unhelpful information.

Often, what congests our RAS is the accumulation of negative thoughts, limiting beliefs, and past rejections. Similar to how lint blocks a dryer filter, these negative accumulations can clog our RAS, causing us to focus more on negative inputs and ignore the positives.

Fortunately, just as you can clean a lint filter, you can cleanse your RAS of these unhelpful accumulations. Practices like the High Five Habit, which Mel Robbins advocates, operate much like removing layers of lint, but instead they peel away layers of self-doubt and negativity.

An important function of the RAS is to prioritize information it deems important. If it senses that you value negative thoughts, it will continue to highlight these. However, by consciously shifting your focus to positive affirmations and successes, you start retraining your RAS to spotlight positive inputs instead.

What's empowering here is the realization that you can actively influence what your RAS filters. By cultivating habits that reinforce positivity—like giving yourself a morning high five—you initiate the process of retraining your RAS to recognize and emphasize the positive aspects of your life.

Adopting this practice isn't just a one-off; it's a continuous process of ensuring that your mental filter keeps you focused on uplifting and constructive thoughts. By teaching your RAS what to look for, you slowly transform the landscape of your internal dialogue from one that's hindered by negativity to one that thrives on positivity. This mental maintenance, much like clearing the lint from a dryer, is essential for optimal performance — not of a machine, but of your mind.

Transform your mindset with three simple tactics

It's perfectly normal to feel skeptical about the idea that a morning ritual like high-fiving your reflection could catalyze significant changes in your self-perception and overall mood. Even Mel Robbins's daughter was initially doubtful about the efficacy of her mother's new habit; it seemed too straightforward to be impactful.

However, Robbins likens this transformation to familiar experiences: Notice how once you buy a particular car, you suddenly see it everywhere? Or when you fall in love, every song on the radio seems to echo your feelings? Similarly, when you engage in the High Five Habit, positivity starts to appear more frequently in your life.

Here’s the core idea: Interrupt your thoughts, use a mantra, and embody the persona you aspire to become.

To retrain your brain's Reticular Activating System (RAS) and refocus on positivity, there are three pivotal steps. Start with interrupting old, unhelpful thought patterns.

Whenever you catch yourself spiraling into self-criticism or doubt, actively pause and command yourself, “I’m not going to think about that.” While it seems too straightforward, this conscious interruption helps train your RAS to filter out these recurring negative thoughts over time.

Yet, stopping negative thoughts isn't enough—you need to replace them with something more constructive and supportive. This is where a carefully chosen mantra comes in. The mantra needs to be something you believe in, so it resonates rather than feels hollow. Examples might include, “Every day, I grow stronger” or “I am worthy of feeling good today.”

The final step involves not just thinking differently but acting differently. Embody the character of the person you aim to become. Actions reinforce beliefs, creating tangible evidence that supports your new mindset.

In practice, start by halting a negative thought in its tracks with an assertive mental command. Follow by affirming your new perspective with a believable, empowering mantra. And finally, reinforce these internal shifts with external actions that align with your desired identity.

By implementing these simple yet powerful strategies, you can profoundly shift how you view yourself and the world around you. Engage in this practice consistently to see the power of a changed mindset reflected in your daily life.

Switch from apology to appreciation

Are you someone who constantly finds yourself saying "sorry"? It's a common habit, often emerging in situations ranging from accidental bumps to asking for help, or even when others inconvenience us. While apologizing feels like a benign reflex, it often masks a deeper issue—an excessive sense of guilt, which might be holding you back from living fully.

Understanding this, it becomes clear that to live an authentic and bold life, you will inevitably disappoint some people, rely on others, and seek support. Consequently, shifting from habitual apologies to expressions of gratitude is not just advisable—it's necessary.

Here’s the essence: Replace apologies with gratitude.

Expressing gratitude, rather than guilt, fosters positive interactions and relationships. It is inherently more pleasant to be thanked than to receive an apologetic nod. Over-apologizing, aside from potentially annoying others, subtly shifts the focus back to the apologizer, seeking reassurance rather than genuinely acknowledging another's help or patience.

Consider the dynamic in one of the scenarios Mel Robbins discusses: A friend incessantly apologizes, inadvertently irritating those around her by making every incident about her need for reassurance, rather than appreciating others' contributions or patience. This misplaced focus starts to feel less genuine and more like a quest for self-affirmation through others' forgiveness.

As an alternative, when someone does something nice for you—be it a small favor or a significant gesture—opt for "Thank you" over "I'm sorry." This not only highlights the other person's kindness but also affirms your right to receive help without a guilty conscience. It shifts the narrative from self-reproach to mutual respect and appreciation.

Expressing gratitude also holds a mirror to your own self-worth, confirming that your needs and desires are legitimate and do not warrant remorse. By fostering this mindset, you align more naturally with the High Five Habit promoted by Robbins, which emphasizes positive self-regard and empowerment.

In essence, replacing apologies with gratitude enhances both self-perception and interpersonal relationships, paving the way for a more supportive and self-affirming approach to life. This shift not only reinforces positive interactions but also complements the empowering practice of celebrating oneself with a morning high five. Embracing gratitude can transform not just how you interact with others, but how you view and treat yourself.

Unlock optimism with a morning mirror high five

The core takeaway from this exploration is straightforward yet powerful: a simple morning ritual of high-fiving your reflection can significantly elevate your life. This act is not just a symbol of encouragement but a scientifically-backed method of boosting self-confidence and belief. The High Five Habit, as encouraged by Mel Robbins, leverages this simple gesture to instigate profound changes in your psychological makeup.

To fully harness the potential of this habit, it's essential to complement the high five with strategies that refine your mindset. It involves training your brain to prioritize positive thoughts and experiences, adopting behaviors that align with the person you aspire to be, and replacing habitual apologies with expressions of gratitude.

By integrating these actions into your daily routine, you strengthen your self-esteem, cultivate a more positive outlook on life, and transform interpersonal interactions. Every morning high five serves as a pledge of self-support, propelling you towards a more fulfilling and affirmative way of living.