The Practice of Groundedness - Book Summary

Finding Solid Ground: How to Achieve True Happiness and Lasting Success

It was a seemingly ordinary day in October 2017 when Brad Stulberg, an author renowned for his insights on performance and well-being, faced a terrifying moment. As he drove on a long, quiet stretch of road, a chilling thought unexpectedly surfaced: "You should just drive off the road and end it all right now." Despite quickly dismissing the idea as not truly his own, the thought haunted him for hours, marking one of many similar tormenting experiences he had faced.

This harrowing incident was a symptom of a broader, more pervasive issue Stulberg realized he and many others are struggling with today: heroic individualism. This concept describes the relentless pursuit of personal success to the detriment of one’s well-being. In our society, many of us run ourselves ragged in the quest for achievement, overlooking our health and happiness in the process.

But Stulberg didn’t just identify the problem — he also sought a solution, which he found in the practice of groundedness. This principle advocates for a more balanced, stable foundation from which to pursue success. Unlike the unrelenting drive of heroic individualism, groundedness emphasizes well-being as the basis for true achievement. It suggests that success should not come at the cost of our health and happiness but should be built upon them.

The author draws a compelling parallel to nature's marvels — specifically, the redwood trees. These towering giants are renowned not only for their height but also for their deep, sturdy roots that anchor them firmly to the earth. Similarly, humans thrive best when they are grounded — connected and balanced within their environments. The stability provided by groundedness allows for a sustainable pursuit of success, characterized not by how high one climbs but by how deep one's roots delve.

In exploring these concepts, Stulberg provides readers with a pathway out of the relentless and often destructive cycle of heroic individualism. He ushers in a new perspective that values resilience, sustainable growth, and a profound connection to one’s core values and community. Through his narrative, he offers hope and actionable steps for those seeking not just to achieve but to do so with joy and longevity. By embracing groundedness, we can all aspire to reach not only the heights of our ambitions but also the fulfilling depths of personal contentment.

The Perils of Heroic Individualism: Chasing Success at the Expense of Well-being

At only 31, Brad Stulberg appeared to have it all: recognition as an emerging authority in human performance, a best-selling book, noteworthy contributions to the New York Times and the Wall Dishwasher Journal, and a roster of high-profile clients. Yet, beneath this facade of professional triumph, Stulberg was spiraling into darkness. Unexpectedly, he grappled with a severe form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that filled his days with intrusive thoughts and overwhelming despair, anxiety, and thoughts of self-harm.

Such experiences forced Stulberg to critically evaluate the lifestyle he had been leading and promoting — one he now identifies as "heroic individualism." This phenomenon typically pushes individuals to constantly strive for more, perpetuating feelings of inadequacy and endless striving which often leads not to fulfillment, but to burnout and unhappiness.

Heroic individualism sets a trap: it drives you to relentlessly pursue higher achievements and perfection, always moving the goalposts. This relentless drive is pervasive in Western culture, where the narrative of never being enough dominates, pushing individuals to achieve heightened productivity and success. It’s an exhausting cycle — you take on too much, push too hard, and even when you achieve, the satisfaction is fleeting, and the cycle begins again.

Engulfed by this mindset, individuals often feel rushed, scattered, and primarily focused on their external accomplishments, rarely finding genuine satisfaction. The quiet moments that invite rest and reflection instead bring restlessness and a sense of emptiness, perpetuating a cycle of continuous dissatisfaction.

For many, this path leads only to a profound sense of burn:

Outrozen and unhappy, struggling with a pervasive dissatisfaction with life, while for others, like Stulberg, it escalates into severe mental health issues. Realizing the destructive path of heroic individualism, Stulberg sought a way out, a journey that led him not only to personal healing but also to a broader realization of a more sustainable approach to success and well-being. His discovery and subsequent practices provide a lifeline for escaping the relentless pressure of heroic individualism, steering towards a path that promises genuine satisfaction and sustainable success. This called for a profound shift from a life of relentless striving to one of meaningful stability.

Rediscovering Stability: Embrace Your Roots to Overcome Heroic Individualism

During a reflective hike amidst the towering redwoods of northern California, Brad Stulberg had a moment of clarity. As he gazed at these ancient giants, a realization dawned on him about the true source of their strength. It wasn't the lofty heights of their branches reaching for the sky but rather their deep, robust roots that allowed them to stand mighty and stable, despite the harsh, buffeting winds.

This observation sparked an important metaphor for human wellbeing and success. Under the influence of heroic individualism, many of us, like Stulberg himself, obsess over our canopies — our external achievements and the relentless pursuit of growth. This incessant striving upward often leaves us precariously unbalanced, making us susceptible to the 'winds' of life's challenges, as seen in Stulberg's personal battle with OCD.

The antidote? Emulating the redwoods by focusing on strengthening our roots.

The foundational message here is simple: To counteract the detrimental effects of heroic individualism, focus on your roots — the principles and practices that keep you grounded.

But what exactly does it mean to be grounded? It involves cultivating an inner strength that is independent of external successes and failures. This inner calm and stability don't fluctuate with the vicissitudes of life; they provide consistent, unwavering support that helps maintain equanimity amidst chaos.

Being grounded also means anchoring your life around your core values and dedicating your time and energy to what truly matters to you — be it family, health, community, spirituality, or other personal commitments. This alignment not only enhances personal well-being but also enriches your interactions and relationships.

This concept of groundedness resonates with wisdom found across a spectrum of cultural and spiritual traditions, including Buddhism, Taoism, Stoicism, and Christianity, as well as modern clinical psychology. These disciplines contribute to understanding the essential elements of groundedness and offer practical approaches for cultivating it.

From these varied teachings, Stulberg distills six key principles of groundedness. These principles are accompanied by actionable practices that can help integrate them into daily life, providing a robust framework to develop a grounded existence.

These foundational principles of groundedness act as vital roots that empower you to withstand life's storms without toppling, much like the majestic redwoods. Understanding and implementing these principles is what the continuation of this discussion seeks to explore. By doing so, you can transition from the precarious pursuit of heroic individualism to a life of true stability and fulfillment.

Embrace Reality to Forge a Path to Your Desired Future

Brad Stulberg found himself in a profound battle with obsessive-compulsive disorder, and like many facing a crisis, his initial instincts leaned towards denial and resistance. He attempted to convince himself that the disturbing thoughts and overwhelming feelings were mere figments of his imagination—or perhaps fleeting symptoms of an obscure physical illness. When these thoughts stubbornly persisted, he shifted to a combative stance, endeavoring to will away the discomfort with sheer mental force. As an expert in mental performance, if anyone could conquer their mind, it should have been him.

However, the harsher his resistance, the more formidable the OCD became. It was through this exhausting struggle that Stulberg encountered a pivotal realization—he couldn't just will away his problems or pretend they didn't exist. This insight led him to a crucial, foundational principle of groundedness.

The key message here underscores a profound truth: Accept your present reality as it is, enabling you to effectively work towards the future you desire.

Often, our gut reaction to unpleasant scenarios—whether they're distressing thoughts, emotions, or situations—is to either deny their existence or fight against them. While denial and wishful thinking are clearly ineffective, resistance might initially appear as a proactive approach. However, as Stulberg learned, mere resistance without acknowledgment only fuels the adversity.

True acceptance doesn't equate to passive resignation. Rather, it involves a calm, unbiased acknowledgment of the problem. This approach can be visualized through an ancient Buddhist analogy: consider that experiencing a negative situation is akin to being struck by an arrow. Reacting negatively to this first arrow by shooting a second one — through denial or resistance — only exacerbates the pain.

The unproductive dialogue filled with 'shoulds' — such as "I should be handling this better" or "This shouldn't be happening" — only serves to intensify feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Instead, replace these with affirmations of desire and possibility: "I want to handle this better," or "I wish this were different."

By shifting how you address your current reality, you move from a posture of criticism and impossibility to one of recognition and readiness. Acknowledging the truth of your situation without judgment provides a clear, stable foundation for action. This isn't about surrendering to the circumstances but about preparing yourself to change them effectively. Such a stance not only empowers you to manage immediate challenges but also paves the way for substantial, meaningful change, aligning your present state with the future you aspire to create.

Embrace Patience and Presence to Cultivate What Truly Matters

For Brad Stulberg, accepting his diagnosis of obsessive-compulsive disorder was merely the beginning of a challenging yet transformative journey. True recovery wasn't about finding a miraculous, overnight cure; rather, it involved a sustained, patient effort to manage the condition healthily through therapy and personal growth. His experience underscores a broader truth applicable to most of life's significant challenges and aspirations: the path to fulfillment and success is often lengthy and demands perseverance.

The key insight here is: To truly ground yourself in what's important and nurture your goals to fruition, you need to cultivate presence and patience.

Consider your attention as a finite resource, similar to water. With only a limited supply available, you must decide wisely where to channel this vital resource. Yet, in a world brimming with digital distractions and cultural biases towards relentless busyness, it's all too easy to disperse your focus too thinly across multiple, often trivial pursuits.

To maintain a laser-focused presence on your true priorities, it's crucial to actively minimize distractions. This can be achieved by disabling unnecessary notifications, setting aside your digital devices when not needed, and dedicating specific times for concentrated work or meaningful personal interactions. Continually ask yourself: Is my current activity essential and does it align with my deepest values? If the answer is no, consider ways to redirect your focus towards the pursuits that truly matter most to you.

However, cultivating these priorities requires more than just focused attention—patience is equally vital. Modern Western culture often pressures us to rush progress and demand quick results, but this hurried approach can lead to burnout and subpar outcomes. Consider the analogy of an athlete who, in the rush to achieve fitness goals, may push too hard and suffer injuries, thus setting back progress.

Instead, adopt a patient, gradual approach to your goals. Break them into manageable steps and concentrate on achieving each one before moving to the next. This methodical pace not only prevents overwhelm but also builds a solid foundation, ensuring that each step is firmly established before the next begins.

By integrating patience and presence into your life, you transform your approach to personal and professional pursuits, allowing you to stay grounded in what truly matters and successfully cultivate your aspirations, step by considered step.

Strength Through Vulnerability: Embrace Your True Self

A probing email from a young admirer unexpectedly pushed Brad Stulberg to confront his own hidden struggles. On the surface, the question seemed flattering: How had he managed to achieve such a fulfilled and accomplished life by the age of 30? Yet, ironically, on that very day, Stulberg was grappling with crippling effects of his OCD, consumed by thoughts of insignificance. To the outside world, he portrayed the epitome of success and strength, but internally, he felt anything but strong.

This discord between public perception and private reality led Stulberg to a crucial realization about another important principle of groundedness — the value of vulnerability.

The key message here is: To achieve genuine strength, embrace vulnerability.

Many of us, much like Stulberg, find ourselves performing dual roles: showcasing an ideal version of ourselves that radiates happiness and success, much like carefully curated images on social media or confident personas at work. This phenomenon is exacerbated by societal pressures from both social media and a culture steeped in heroic individualism, which urges continuous positivity, resilience, and peak functioning.

Yet, the reality is that everyone has weaknesses and faces challenges. The prevailing culture, however, makes it daunting for many to reveal their vulnerabilities, fearing that it may expose them as weak or inadequate. This reticence extends not just towards others but also towards oneself, as acknowledging personal flaws and limitations can be profoundly unnerving.

However, embracing vulnerability is foundational to true strength. It takes considerable courage to openly acknowledge and share your flaws and imperfections. Moreover, admitting to these vulnerabilities not only fosters authenticity but also liberates you from the burden of pretense.

Stulberg's response to his unsettling realization was transformative: he penned a candid essay about his ongoing battle with OCD, publicly sharing his condition for the first time. This act of vulnerability proved to be cathartic, lifting the immense burden of living a facade and enabling him to genuinely connect with others facing similar struggles.

Embracing vulnerability can be a powerful step towards not only personal healing but also towards building genuine, empathetic connections with others. So, the next time you feel the weight of concealing your true self, consider what you might gain from sharing your reality. True strength is not found in perfection, but in the courage to be imperfect and the freedom that comes with authenticity.

Build Stability Through Community: The Power of Interconnected Roots

The act of publicly sharing his struggles was transformative for Brad Stulberg; it elicited an overwhelming wave of support and shared experiences from hundreds of readers. This flood of connectivity and mutual understanding underscored a powerful truth: no one is ever truly alone in their experiences.

This revelation relates closely to an intriguing natural phenomenon Stulberg observed in redwood trees. While commonly admired for their astounding height, the true marvel of redwoods lies beneath the surface. Surprisingly, their roots are relatively shallow, typically extending only six to twelve feet deep. Instead of burrowing deeper, these roots spread outwards, intertwining with those of adjacent trees. This interconnected network of roots provides mutual support, significantly enhancing the stability of each individual tree.

This leads to a crucial message: To ensure you're fully grounded, surround yourself with a supportive community.

The prevalent cultural ideal of heroic individualism promotes the notion of solitary self-sufficiency, suggesting that true strength is demonstrated through individual resilience and independence. However, this perspective is misleading and often unsustainable. Like the interconnected redwoods, humans derive much of their strength from their relationships and communities.

The fallacy that one should manage life's challenges unaided not only isolates but also deprives individuals of the profound benefits that communal support can offer. Embracing a sense of community shifts this dynamic, fostering an environment where individuals do not merely exist side by side, but are woven into a fabric of mutual support and collective resilience.

If you find yourself feeling isolated, it's essential to seek out or create a community. This could take various forms, such as a book club, a sports team, a religious group, or any gathering of like-minded individuals who share similar values and interests. True engagement in these communities means more than just physical presence. It involves active participation, vulnerability, and openness.

By putting away distractions like phones and embracing authentic interactions, you contribute to a space where everyone can feel safe to express themselves genuinely. Such environments not only allow for individual growth but also strengthen the collective fabric, reinforcing each member's stability and groundedness.

The power of community is profound and can significantly amplify our ability to remain grounded amid life's challenges. By fostering interconnected relationships, we enable a shared strength that mirrors the resilience of the redwoods, deeply rooted not by solitary endeavors but through the collective support of intertwined lives.

Ground Your Mind by Engaging Your Body

After Brad Stulberg shared his personal struggles and insights through a public essay, he connected with a multitude of individuals who resonated with his experiences, including Andrea Barber, famously known as Kimmy Gibbler from the sitcom "Full House." Like Stulberg, Barber had faced her own battles with depression and anxiety long after her days as a child star. While therapy and medication were part of her recovery toolkit, she divulged that running had emerged as her most transformative remedy. This revelation embodies a broader, vital principle of groundedness.

The essential message here is: To maintain a grounded mind, keep your body active.

The traditional Western dichotomy between mind and body is increasingly challenged by contemporary science, which shows that they operate more as a unified mind-body system. This interdependence means that our physical well-being directly influences our mental health, and vice versa. For example, the health of your gut bacteria can affect your mood, just as stress can affect physical aspects like heart rate.

Human beings are inherently designed for movement, not for prolonged periods of sitting. Hence, physical activity is not just beneficial but essential for maintaining both mental and physical health. While the health benefits of regular exercise are well acknowledged, its profound impact on mental well-being, particularly in preventing and addressing depression and anxiety, continues to astonish.

Andrea Barber's experience with running highlights how physically engaging activities can serve as lifelines. Similarly, Stulberg credits part of his recovery from OCD to his physical activity regimen. Indeed, any form of exercise, whether aerobic like running or cycling, or strength training, contributes significantly to grounding the mind.

Exercise's benefits aren't merely attributed to the endorphins or other "feel-good" hormones released during physical exertion. Engaging in regular physical activity also promotes other principles of groundedness. It teaches acceptance of discomfort, fosters a heightened sense of presence, and cultivates patience as you gradually meet and set new fitness goals. Additionally, although exercise can be a solitary activity, it often provides more enjoyment and motivation when shared with others, thereby fostering a sense of community.

Thus, intertwining physical activity into your daily routine is not just about enhancing physical fitness but about fostering a more stable, responsive, and resilient mindset. Through consistent movement, you can anchor your mental wellness, enhancing overall quality of life.

Embracing a Holistic Path to Well-being

The core insight from these discussions is that the relentless pursuit of external achievements often leads to a disconnection from our authentic selves and from others. This isolated mode of existence, driven by what many refer to as heroic individualism, encourages individuals to shoulder life's burdens alone, fostering a sense of loneliness and continual dissatisfaction.

For those seeking a more fulfilling and balanced approach to life, the concept of groundedness offers a refreshingly holistic alternative. Groundedness is built upon six fundamental principles that, when practiced together, promote an integrated, robust form of well-being:

1. Accepting Your Present Reality: Acknowledge where you are in your life without denial or resistance. This forms the foundation for genuine change and growth.

2. Staying Present: Cultivate mindfulness and maintain focus on the current moment. This counters the scatterbrain effect of modern distractions and aligns your actions with your true priorities.

3. Being Patient with Progress: Recognize that meaningful change takes time. Approach your goals with a steady dedication rather than a rush for immediate results.

4. Allowing Yourself to Be Vulnerable: Embrace your imperfections and share your struggles. This not only alleviates the pressure to appear invincible but also deepens your connections with others.

5. Embracing Community: Foster strong relationships and build supportive networks. Just like the interlinked roots of redwood trees, human strength often lies in communal bonds rather than individual prowess.

6. Keeping Your Body Moving: Engage in regular physical activity, understanding that mental health is deeply interconnected with physical well-being. Exercise not only bolices your body but also stabilizes your emotional and psychological states.

By integrating these principles into daily life, individuals can move away from the unsustainable pressures of heroic individualism and cultivate a grounded, authentic existence. This holistic approach not only enhances personal happiness and health but also strengthens the collective resilience and well-being of communities. Groundedness, therefore, is not just a personal practice but a societal one, promising a path to a more connected and harmoniously balanced life.