Untamed - Book Summary

Discover the freedom to live authentically: "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle

Picture this — you've sculpted a life that perfectly aligns with society's expectations, yet deep down, you feel it doesn't truly represent who you are. Glennon Doyle knew this feeling all too well. She tirelessly pursued being an exemplary mother, spouse, and religious individual, all while losing touch with her deepest desires and needs.

Everything changed when she fell deeply in love with a woman. This pivotal moment prompted Doyle to shed the layers of societal conditioning and attune to her inner voice. By embracing her true self, she built a new existence characterized by love, joy, meaningful work, and activism. It was a life that genuinely mirrored her identity — for the very first time.

"Untamed" is more than just a personal recount. It serves as a beacon for anyone yearning to break free from self-imposed restrictions. This book will not only challenge you to reflect on your life's authenticity but also equip you with the strategies to pursue a liberated and fulfilling existence.

Through "Untamed," you will explore:

- How embracing her true sexuality led Glennon Doyle to a closer connection with her spirituality.

- The steps she took to actively address and move away from ingrained racist prejudices.

- The life-saving impact of her unexpected pregnancy.

Get ready to be inspired — to dismantle the cages you've built around yourself and step into a life of wild freedom and authentic joy.

A life-altering encounter: Glennon Doyle's unexpected love story

Imagine being on the cusp of releasing a memoir dedicated to the triumphs of your marriage, only to have your world flipped upside down by an unforeseen encounter. This was Glennon Doyle's reality when she met Abby Wambach, an event that reshaped her entire existence.

Glennon Doyle, at the time, was a celebrated author and Christian blogger specializing in marriage and family life. Her followers cherished her for her candid advice. She was on the verge of publishing "Love Warrior", a memoir highlighting the reconciliation with her husband after overcoming his infidelities, painting a portrait of a restored marriage and a perfect family.

Yet, internally, Doyle's life felt lackluster. Despite being excellent partners in parenting, her relationship with her husband lacked physical attraction, and intimacy felt more like an obligation. This made the prospect of promoting "Love Warrior" incredibly daunting for Doyle.

However, her promotional commitments were unavoidable. During a national book conference, where Doyle was scheduled to speak, an unexpected guest arrived — Abby Wambach, there to present her own memoir. The moment Doyle saw Abby, something profound stirred within her. It was as if a voice inside her declared, "There she is."

Their first interaction was nothing short of magnetic. Doyle, driven by an impulse she couldn't understand, embraced Abby in a long hug, despite never having met her before. It wasn’t just a greeting; it was a moment of profound recognition, a feeling of finally arriving at a place she belonged.

As the evening progressed, Doyle and Wambach discovered shared perspectives and experiences, sparking an undeniable chemistry. Touching Abby’s arm sent a jolt through Doyle, reviving sensations that had long been dormant. After years of emotional numbing, her senses were awakening.

This encounter didn’t just mark the beginning of a new chapter in Doyle’s personal life; it also catalyzed a radical transformation, prompting her to reconsider the facade of perfection she had been upholding. It was a pivotal moment that not only challenged her to confront the realities of her marriage but also inspired her to embrace her identity with renewed courage and authenticity.

Breaking free from societal cages: Glennon Doyle's journey to reclaiming her wild self

Several years post her life-changing encounter with Abby Wambach, Glennon Doyle found herself at a zoo with her children. There, she witnessed a cheetah, once wild and free, now chasing fluffy toys for the amusement of spectators, confined within the bleak walls of a cage. This sight struck a chord with Doyle, mirroring her own experiences of repression under the weight of societal expectations.

From childhood, Glennon Doyle was boxed into roles carved by a gender-biased society. As a young girl, she played carefree and impulsively, embodying her true spirit. However, as she grew, societal norms began to stiffle her, dictating how a "good girl" should act and look. With each attempt to conform—whether it was through obedience, pleasing demeanor, or striving for an unattainable physical appearance—Doyle drifted further from her authentic self. This disconnection led her down a path of depression, anxiety, and bulimia, as she tried to numb her discomfort and silence her inner turmoil.

During her early twenties, these struggles manifested in heavier ways, including excessive drinking and drug use, tools she used to dull her senses against the constant psychological pain. But everything took a turn when Doyle discovered she was pregnant at the age of twenty-six. Holding the positive pregnancy test in her hand, she found herself at a pivotal junction. Opting to keep the baby meant she had to overhaul her lifestyle completely. She chose sobriety, married the father of her baby, Craig, and aimed to be the ideal mother, wife, and Christian.

While sobriety restored her life in many ways, Doyle realized she was still performing roles dictated by external expectations, not living as her true self. Deep down, a fierce "wildfire" rumbled, ready to break free from the societal cages, but she feared that unleashing it might destroy her family life.

It wasn't until her encounter with Abby that Doyle felt an undeniable call of the wild within her—a surge of authenticity and freedom, akin to a caged cheetah catching a scent of the vast Serengeti. Meeting Abby awakened her suppressed self, the vibrant young girl who once lived intuitively and trusted her body's wisdom. This was a signal for Doyle; it was time to live unapologetically, honoring her inner desires and breaking free from the restrictive societal norms that had silenced her spirit for too long.

Embracing personal happiness to be a better mother: Glennon Doyle's radical choice

Imagine falling deeply in love through heartfelt letters, yet facing seemingly insurmountable barriers—this was the reality for Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach. Despite the physical distance and both being married to other people, the connection they fostered through their written words was undeniable and powerful. Abby was navigating a split from her wife, while Doyle grappled with the daunting prospect of leaving her husband. Torn between her responsibilities and her heart, Doyle faced a critical decision point.

The linchpin for her realization was a hypothetical scenario involving her daughters. Doyle wondered how she would react if one of them was trapped in an unhappy marriage like her own. This reflection brought a stark insight: She had been modeling self-sacrifice at the expense of personal happiness, potentially setting a precedent for her daughters to follow suit in their own lives. This was not the lesson she intended to impart.

Guided by this epiphany, Doyle concluded that true love was worth pursuing, regardless of the outcome with Abby. She could no longer stay in a marriage that didn't fulfill her, not just for her own sake but as a lesson in bravery and authenticity for her children. The next step was confronting her husband, Craig, with her decision. It was a heart-wrenching conversation, but necessary for everyone to move forward.

Together, Doyle and Craig navigated the delicate process of explaining the situation to their children. They prioritized unity and understanding, with Craig extending warmth towards Abby to prevent any felt tensions by the children about "picking sides." This thoughtful approach laid the groundwork for a redefined, inclusive family dynamic.

Doyle's decision to prioritize her happiness was a testament to putting her needs first, not only for her well-being but also as a powerful example of self-respect for her children. Yet, she still faced the challenge of revealing her new reality to her broader audience, many of whom admired her for her Christian family values. This forthcoming revelation promised to be another significant step in Doyle's journey towards living fully and truthfully, embodying the lessons she hoped to pass along to her daughters.

Glennon Doyle's brave revelation: Choosing truth over career security

As Glennon Doyle prepared for the promotional tour of her book "Love Warrior," she stood at a critical crossroads. The book, an account of reconciling with her husband after his infidelities, had not only been selected for Oprah’s book club but was also on track to become a bestseller. However, Doyle's personal life had taken an unexpected turn — she had separated from her husband and fallen in love with a woman, Abby Wambach. Now, she faced a daunting dilemma: to conceal this truth or to share her reality openly with the world.

Her publishing team was in turmoil, fearing that her coming out could tarnish her marketable image as a writer on marriage redemption and potentially derail her burgeoning career. They advised her to keep her new relationship under wraps until the promotional events were over. But for Doyle, who had committed herself to live with unwavering integrity since becoming sober, disguising the truth was equivalent to lying — something she could not bring herself to do.

The decision was more than a personal moral stand. Throughout her career, Doyle had cultivated a relationship with her readers based on raw honesty and vulnerability, sharing her deepest personal struggles and insights through her first memoir "Carry on, Warrior," and her blog, Momastery. She knew that withholding the truth from her readers would not only violate her own ethical standards but would also betray the trust and the heartfelt exchanges she shared with her community.

With her principles guiding her, Doyle chose transparency over safety. She courageously posted a picture on Facebook of herself and Abby, openly declaring their love and their commitment to forming a new kind of family, which would include co-parenting with her ex-husband, Craig.

Doyle braced herself for backlash and professional fallout — but it never came. Instead, her honesty was met with a flood of support from her followers. Even those who didn't fully understand her choices expressed solidarity and continued loyalty.

Moreover, her fears about the impact on her book's success were unfounded. "Love Warrior" was met with enthusiastic reception and robust sales upon its release. Rather than delivering lectures on the triumphs of a traditional marriage, her book tour evolved into a series of genuine interactions about the complexities of relationships and the profound choices that sometimes must be made to honor one's truth and wellbeing.

Glennon Doyle's decision to come out publicly did not derail her career; instead, it enriched her dialogues with her audience and reaffirmed the importance of authenticity in her life and work.

Rediscovering self-guidance: Glennon Doyle's journey to inner wisdom

Despite the overwhelmingly positive support Glennon Doyle received after coming out publicly, not all feedback was easy to accept. Prominent figures in the Christian community accused her of forsaking her faith, friends questioned her decision to leave her husband, and perhaps most painfully, her own mother doubted her relationship with Abby.

Typically, Doyle held her mother's opinions in high esteem, considering her one of her closest confidants and advisers. But in this transformative period of her life, she realized the peril in allowing external voices, even those nearest to her heart, to dictate her choices.

The pivotal resolution she faced was to hone a deeply personal tool: her intuition. Doyle embraced the practice of stillness, drawing inspiration from the motto "be still." She committed to spending ten minutes each day in quiet solitude, often retreating to a closet space for these moments of introspection. Initially, this practice felt like an agonizing withdrawal from the constant influx of information and opinions she had become accustomed to, likening her condition to that of an "input junkie" in detox.

However, as she persevered, Doyle tapped into a profound silence within herself where she met her "Knowing"—an innate, primal intuition. This internal guide began to offer her subtle yet clear indications on how to navigate her life's complexities. Whenever faced with doubt or anxiety, Doyle would seek the counsel of the Knowing. Following its guidance infused her with a sensation she described as "warm liquid gold" coursing through her veins, reaffirming her path.

The Knowing prompted Doyle to re-evaluate the myriad beliefs instilled in her from childhood. She scrutinized each belief, questioning their validity and relevance to her current life. For instance, she had absorbed the notion that her worth was tied to her productivity, a belief she unconsciously applied in her daily life, leading to frustration upon seeing Abby taking a moment to relax. Recognizing her change in belief systems, she learned to let go of such irritations.

Doyle's journey from seeking external validation to relying on her own intuition marked a significant transformation. She evolved from a person who once googled whether to stay with her husband post-infidelity, to someone powered by self-reliance and personal conviction, no longer needing to crowdsource her life decisions. This profound shift not only reshaped her personal relationships but also reinforced her commitment to living authentically according to her internal wisdom.

Finding faith beyond the church walls: Glennon Doyle’s spiritual awakening

Glennon Doyle's journey into a new relationship illuminated not just personal truths, but also cast a stark light on her spiritual beliefs. Being a long-standing member of the Christian community, Doyle found herself at a crossroads when she entered into a relationship with Abby Wambach, a situation viewed as sinful by many within her faith. This conflict forced her to deeply interrogate her religious identity and the nature of her beliefs.

Her challenges with the church began long before her relationship with Abby, traced back to an incident at a previously thought inclusive church. The pastor there pronounced that true Christians must deem homosexuality and abortion as sins. Doyle's attempt to discuss these declarations was met with a disheartening dismissal; she was told to accept these truths without question as a measure of her faith. This interaction sparked a pivotal question for Doyle: Why should a pastor, or any church authority, mediate her personal relationship with God?

The key realization for Doyle was understanding that her faith need not be tethered to the institution of a church that promoted exclusionary beliefs. Her comprehensive study of the Bible, particularly the life and teachings of Jesus centered on social justice, compassion, and inclusivity, seemed at odds with the church’s focus on condemning the LGBTQ+ community and opposing abortion rights.

Doyle's research revealed that these divisive issues were propelled into evangelical doctrine in the 1970s by a faction intent on furthering a conservative political agenda. This historical shift helped shape the powerful political influence evangelical voters hold today, often aligning with leaders who support anti-LGBTQ+ and anti-abortion policies.

Despite these revelations, Doyle chose not to abandon her Christian identity. For her, faith and her relationship with Abby were not contradictory but complementary. Her love for Abby deepened her connection to God, experienced as a profound inner voice of compassion she terms as the Knowing. This personal communion with the divine reinforced her conviction that God resided within her, guiding her through love and connection.

As Doyle's faith in organized religion waned, her belief in a universal, loving deity flourished. She continued to embrace Christianity on her own terms, focusing on the aspects of her faith that champion social justice and embody the true essence of Jesus's teachings. Thus, Doyle's spiritual odyssey exemplifies a heartfelt pursuit of a more inclusive and embracing interpretation of faith, away from the rigid confines of institutional dogma.

Embracing life's challenges: How Glennon Doyle learned to live fully

A poignant moment in Glennon Doyle's journey as a mother and as an individual came when her eldest daughter, Tish, expressed a desire to join a soccer team. Doyle's initial reaction was apprehension. Knowing Tish's sensitive nature and lack of athletic inclination, she feared the disappointment that could crush her daughter's spirit if she didn't make the team.

However, Abby Wambach saw potential in Tish and encouraged her to pursue her interest. Together, they embarked on rigorous training sessions. Despite Tish's constant complaints during practice, she persevered, and to everyone's surprise, she succeeded in making the team. This incident illuminated a crucial lesson for Doyle — in her attempt to shield Tish from potential pain, she nearly hindered her from experiencing something that brought her immense joy and fulfillment.

The realization hit deep: accepting pain and suffering is essential to fully experiencing life. Doyle reflected on her own past, recognizing that for 16 years, she had numbed herself to pain through drugs and alcohol. In her fear of hurt and disappointment, she had dulled her ability to feel, to connect, and ultimately, to truly live.

Sobriety brought with it the unavoidable confrontation with the pain and fears she had long suppressed. It was during this transformative period that Doyle embraced a powerful mantra from her days as a teacher: "We can do hard things." She learned that experiencing emotions like unhappiness, fear, or anxiety was not a drawback but a testament to the fullness of life. Instead of shying away from pain, she allowed it to teach her, to expand her empathy, and to motivate her actions.

This newfound understanding propelled Doyle to engage more deeply with the world's suffering and injustices. With a group of trusted allies, she founded Together Rising, a nonprofit organization dedicated to fostering change and providing support where it's needed most. Through grassroots fundraising efforts, they've managed to raise over twenty million dollars, demonstrating the remarkable impact of community and solidarity.

Together Rising’s success not only aids those in direct receipt of its funds but also empowers its contributors. Through donations and voluntary service, individuals witness the transformative power of collective action in addressing global pain and suffering.

For Doyle, embracing life's adversities has not merely been about personal growth but about creating channels that allow others to participate in meaningful change. This shift from avoidance to acceptance and proactive engagement has not only defined her story but has also inspired and facilitated others to live fully and contribute positively to the world.

Confronting ingrained racism: Glennon Doyle’s journey toward awareness and action

In the wake of increased racial violence following Donald Trump’s election, Glennon Doyle sought to educate her daughters about the civil rights movement. Their study led them to a powerful image from a historical protest, showing a majority of black activists and a lone white woman. When Doyle's youngest daughter inquired if they would have participated in such a march, Doyle was ready to affirmatively say “Yes” — until her older daughter interjected, “No, we don't march now. Why would we have marched then?”

This moment of stark honesty from her daughter was a wake-up call for Doyle. While she believed in racial equality, her actions—or lack thereof—spoke differently. She realized she was not actively supporting the Black Lives Matter movement or other similar causes through physical presence or activism.

The key realization was painful but clear: Doyle needed to detox from ingrained white supremacy by facing her own underlying racist attitudes. The societal ailment of racism, Doyle understood, was not just about overt acts of discrimination but about passive acceptances and the internalization of deep-seated prejudices.

Reflecting on her upbringing, Doyle recognized the normalization of racist narratives in her own life. From racist jokes prevalent in her childhood environments to skewed media portrayals on news segments and TV shows like "Cops," she was routinely exposed to damaging stereotypes depicting black men as criminals and black women as inconsequential. These images and dialogues had subtly shaped her perceptions, embedding a racial bias that she hadn't fully acknowledged.

The road to unlearning racism paralleled the difficulty of her earlier path to sobriety: both required a complete overhaul of deeply rooted beliefs and behaviors. Doyle embarked on a rigorous educational journey, devouring works by writers and activists of color, learning about systemic issues such as police brutality, the school-to-prison pipeline, and the harsh realities faced by immigrants in detention centers.

As Doyle deepened her understanding, she felt compelled to take action not just privately but publicly. She began to share her experiences and learnings, addressing her own role in perpetuating white supremacy. By vocalizing her journey towards what she calls "racial sobriety," Doyle aims to illuminate this path for others, particularly reaching out to white individuals who may be navigating similar revelations.

Today, Doyle actively participates in advocacy and uses her platform to discuss racism openly, striving to transform her newfound awareness into tangible support for racial justice movements. Her personal evolution from passive bystander to proactive ally highlights the necessity of confronting uncomfortable truths to foster real change, both within oneself and society at large.

From lost narratives to a life beautifully rewritten: Glennon Doyle's story of transformation

Glennon Doyle, like any masterful storyteller, hoped for control over her life's narrative. That control was shattered when her husband's infidelity disrupted her envisioned plot of a perfect family. In response, she penned "Love Warrior," a memoir that aimed to stitch back the narrative by showcasing their overcoming of betrayal to reaffirm their family's resilience.

However, life had a more drastic revision in store. Abby Wambach's entrance into Doyle's life was not just a plot twist but a narrative upheaval. It upended Doyle's long-held beliefs about marriage and set her on a path of profound self-reckoning. Suddenly, the story she had been telling herself about what constitutes a good marriage was open for revision.

At the heart of Doyle's transformation was a realization: she lost the plot but in doing so, gained the life of her dreams. Previously confined by societal scripts, Doyle now embraced the power of imagination to reconstruct her life. She pondered deeply on what the essence of marriage, family, and faith could look like when stripped of conventional constraints.

Through imaginative thinking, Doyle envisioned a relationship with Abby characterized by an unassailable bond. They conjured a vision of a home filled with love, respect, adventure, and ongoing evolution that matched their dreams. In 2017, this vision was cemented as they married, promising to build a future on their terms.

The family dynamic they created was unconventional yet rich in love and cooperation. Doyle’s ex-husband remained a close figure, living nearby and joining in family dinners, soccer games, and shared parenting responsibilities. Rather than clinging to the traditional nuclear family model, they crafted a blended family structure that was dynamic, inclusive, and supportive.

This redefined family life wasn't without its challenges. It required effort, adaptation, and a steadfast commitment to their shared vision. However, the rewards were manifold—living authentically by design, rather than by default.

Through the fires of disruption and change, Doyle learned to channel the intensity of her inner fire into creating a life that truly resonated with her deepest desires. This narrative shift allowed her not only to live more freely but also to model for her children and her readers the power of embracing life's unpredictabilities and the beauty of rewriting one's own story.

Unlocking your true self: Lessons from Glennon Doyle's journey

Inside each of us is a wild, unfettered spirit that often gets suppressed as we strive to meet external expectations and norms. Glennon Doyle's transformative story encapsulates the powerful liberation that awaits when we dare to listen to our internal voice and challenge societal conventions.

The essence of Doyle’s narrative is a compelling reminder of the importance of intuition in reclaiming our authentic selves. Her journey, marked by a profound reevaluation of ingrained beliefs and societal roles, demonstrates the vitality of living genuinely. By bravely confronting and discarding the scripts that no longer served her, Doyle was able to reshape her life into one of deliberate design rather than passive default.

Through her intimate exploration of personal and societal boundaries, Doyle not only redesigned her family structure but also redefined what it means to be connected to one's true self and to others. This journey is a powerful testament to the transformative impact of listening deeply to one's inner wisdom, challenging the confines of traditional expectations, and courageously pursuing a life that truly resonates.